Strands And Veins by dismal

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Strands And Veins dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	dismal_s child
ASL Info:	18/F/On A Carousel
Elite Ratio:	3.21 - 440/401/163
Words:	80

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	55
Average Vote:	4.5000
Bytes:	567

Description:
Processing my thoughts in this Piece.
It's a piece about finding yourself and still not knowing exactly who you are.

Strands And Veins dots

-------------------------------------------

Strands and Veins
Coursing liquid courage
Pulse beating without words
Head pounding out lyrics
Hands drew pictures
No one ever saw.
They lay in shallow graves,
Made of notebook paper,
Thrown in drawers.
Strands and Veins
Relaying your ideas,
The genius of a few remarks,
And the tragedy of connecting the dots.
The ivory of my skin
mirroring the blue veins inside,
Like a missing river,
Found under my skin.
I found my strands and veins.

Submitted on 2009-05-21 00:56:29 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  it makes me think of the soft blues you see when the clouds just part and the first signs of day peak through.
the statements made were very clear, and the inversion to my life, brings back memories that were long forgotten.
| Posted on 2009-09-25 00:00:00 | by Leavingeasy | [ Reply to This ]
  The meaning here was great, the overall metaphor was even better. Strands and veins was pretty much perfect use of it.

"The genius of a few remarks,
And the tragedy of connecting the dots."
^still my favorite part, so many things sound clever or cryptic or beautiful until you put them all together and get the whole truth behind it; not that *nothing* is beautiful in whole, but not as many things as people assume.

My only criticism for this piece is that it was a little short, I read through and it flowed great and was meaningful && easy to follow, but then it seemed to stop a bit too abruptly. It seems like there's a lot more that could be done with this one, but it's far from bad as it is.

| Posted on 2009-07-21 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  "Hands drew pictures
No one ever saw.
They lay in shallow graves,
Made of notebook paper"

sheer genius, Little One.

beautiful imagery.
| Posted on 2009-05-21 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked the whole idea of using strands and veins as an extended metaphor as it showed a complete sense of incompleteness and internal disconnect. I feel I can relate to this- it shows different parts of the mind not being on the same page, and a struggle to understand oneself and everything around him/her. Personally, I've been trying to figure out who I am for some time now and I think it's something I'll never figure out. I pretty much loved how you wrote this. The imagery you used helped put your point across really well. And the picture just helped it all . Keep writing, and sorry this is not constructive at all,

Abbas
| Posted on 2009-05-21 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

174652

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]