Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Yes or Nodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    32/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 153/95/116
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 533
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 845



    Description:
       This is a dedication to someone really special.
    The reason for the speciality is not because of she just being someone that I am asking to love me. A Yes or No is so complicated yet simple for me as a binary answer.
    This is my very last poem and my very last dedication as a dead poet.
    The first time I met her I did like her but I never know till date why the hell I like her. I did hurt her feelings once and I was stupid enough to do that too.
    This is to you s_____a....
    Update:And ya...she told No leaving me back in hell where I have decided to be the rest of my life.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYes or Nodots
    -------------------------------------------


    Say No my dream to make me cry,
    for a life in solitude stabbed to despise.
    Say Yes for a dream, for one last cry,
    To cry in your arms forever and die.

    Tears is all that I have seen in life,
    a smile bottled in the corner of my heart.
    Death do I embrace in this puny life of mine,
    with a heart waiting to beat for someone.

    Why this feeling for no reason at all,
    a heart without question that just says you
    Curse and hate is all that you feel,
    For all that I just said is I love you.

    Lied have I always to love being alone,
    cried have I always to the devil in me.
    Maya is a dream that can never come true,
    the last of my dream...just waiting for you.

    .... just say a Yes or a No




    Submitted on 2009-05-23 07:47:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      All readers:
    I have corrected and modified the poem. I knew I was going to get some comments like what raphael has correctly put across. Both the description and poem have been modified.
    -Keestu
    | Posted on 2009-05-24 00:00:00 | by keestu | [ Reply to This ]
      Your description is longer than your actual poem, the rhyming is very bland, theres no imagery as such and probably the only thing it has going for it is the fact it flows in a competent manner. I appreciate it came from the heart but its not very poetic. I think you could be a bit more subtle and strive to sound more original. Talking excessively about your heart when it comes to love can come off as very cheesey and for me your just ticking the boxes.

    Keep at it though, Im sure youll improve as you stay writing and I hope your love is not un-requited.

    -Craig
    | Posted on 2009-05-23 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      i don't know what to say... very cunfusing.
    | Posted on 2009-05-23 00:00:00 | by igibson | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    174730

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Every..... written by jackz
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Love written by saartha
    untitled written by ShyOne
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Cover written by saartha
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry