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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Yes or Nodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    32/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 153/95/116
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 501
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 845



    Description:
       This is a dedication to someone really special.
    The reason for the speciality is not because of she just being someone that I am asking to love me. A Yes or No is so complicated yet simple for me as a binary answer.
    This is my very last poem and my very last dedication as a dead poet.
    The first time I met her I did like her but I never know till date why the hell I like her. I did hurt her feelings once and I was stupid enough to do that too.
    This is to you s_____a....
    Update:And ya...she told No leaving me back in hell where I have decided to be the rest of my life.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYes or Nodots
    -------------------------------------------


    Say No my dream to make me cry,
    for a life in solitude stabbed to despise.
    Say Yes for a dream, for one last cry,
    To cry in your arms forever and die.

    Tears is all that I have seen in life,
    a smile bottled in the corner of my heart.
    Death do I embrace in this puny life of mine,
    with a heart waiting to beat for someone.

    Why this feeling for no reason at all,
    a heart without question that just says you
    Curse and hate is all that you feel,
    For all that I just said is I love you.

    Lied have I always to love being alone,
    cried have I always to the devil in me.
    Maya is a dream that can never come true,
    the last of my dream...just waiting for you.

    .... just say a Yes or a No




    Submitted on 2009-05-23 07:47:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      All readers:
    I have corrected and modified the poem. I knew I was going to get some comments like what raphael has correctly put across. Both the description and poem have been modified.
    -Keestu
    | Posted on 2009-05-24 00:00:00 | by keestu | [ Reply to This ]
      Your description is longer than your actual poem, the rhyming is very bland, theres no imagery as such and probably the only thing it has going for it is the fact it flows in a competent manner. I appreciate it came from the heart but its not very poetic. I think you could be a bit more subtle and strive to sound more original. Talking excessively about your heart when it comes to love can come off as very cheesey and for me your just ticking the boxes.

    Keep at it though, Im sure youll improve as you stay writing and I hope your love is not un-requited.

    -Craig
    | Posted on 2009-05-23 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      i don't know what to say... very cunfusing.
    | Posted on 2009-05-23 00:00:00 | by igibson | [ Reply to This ]


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