This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Soulmate.


Author: MysterydarkPoet
ASL Info:    20/f/Aust
Elite Ratio:    3.13 - 157 /295 /173
Words: 145
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 814
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 967



Description:




Soulmate.



i don't count on you staying,
to see the sun rise tomorrow.
but just know,
you die now-
i die too.

i can't ache my heart any longer,
for facing this prolonged disaster.
and i sing, of such unfortunate things
but i couldn't stay
to see the sun rise tomorrow
if i looked for my heart,
and found a container of sorrow.

if you take your endless journey,
to the end of the horizon.
i won't stand, and wait your return.
I'll follow and never wander,
to the centre of the earth.
for i couldn't sing such sad
and unfortunate things
if i looked for your shadow,
and through watery eyes,
found dust, dirt and bone.

your eyes tell such distant tales,
of troubled times and failed goals.
such a faded, faded blue,
oh but my darling, i still see you.




Submitted on 2009-05-24 03:58:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  "your eyes tell such distant tales,
of troubled times and failed goals.
such a faded, faded blue,
oh but my darling, i still see you."

Very beautifully put! I think it is one of my favorite endings. Great job!

The beginning had the subject dying and you dying also. The middle suggested otherwise so I got distracted in the difference.

All in all good job. Write on!
| Posted on 2009-05-26 00:00:00 | by Kuuipo | [ Reply to This ]
  "your eyes tell such distant tales,
of troubled times and failed goals.
such a faded, faded blue,
oh but my darling, i still see you."

Is definetly my favorite stanza.
The peice is sort of jumbled, but not this last part. I love it, it makes me think of someone who has killed themself, and left someone that loved them [the writer] alone. The lover is alone, knows they are alone, but they can still see the saddened eyes of what the person used to be.
I pretty much know thats not what this is about, but it reminds me of a song I know, so it made me think of it :)

My suggestion would be to take this last stanza and try to rebuild the poem, so that you keep the best part, and try to unjumble the rest of it. Do you get what im saying?

Regardless, good job!

-Safire
| Posted on 2009-05-26 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]
  "I still see you"

Can I ask you a question? Is this true to you? Do you really think he has left for some reason that you don't understand?

You left me with so many questions with this poem, I nearly cried. It is so powerful. It is beautiful to say the least. It was hard for me to read, I relate to it completely. Great Job, very original.

| Posted on 2009-05-24 00:00:00 | by MidnightSun89 | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



174759