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    dots Submission Name: Sleeping With Deathdots

    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 387
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 628
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1538

       Inspiration comes at the most random of times. I recentley stage managed a production of Cabaret for a local theater company here on Long Island. Now it was early during rehearsals and I was sitting there while the went over stuff with the choreographer and this poem wrote its self I guess you could say. no particular reason for writing it, it just simply came to me.

    so any feedback is greatley appreciated.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSleeping With Deathdots

    A quick thrust

    To break through

    Flesh gives way

    TO metal


    The blood flows

    After your throat

    Is cut


    Faster then

    Eyes open



    Rolling over

    With Death

    you go back to sleep

    Cold Weight

    Itchy finger

    Trembling arm

    Pull the hammer

    And a shot

    rings out


    Swet drenched

    Faster then


    Eyes open

    Rolling over

    Eyes blood shot

    You go back to sleep

    Facing blackened out


    Through which

    Dusk comes

    No, it's Dawn

    Submitted on 2004-07-16 15:04:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      Scary. Do you just like to write about stuff like this or do you actually feel it? I'm really sorry if you do. Writings like this just don't move me so I can't say if I honestly think it's good or not. I think maybe I'm just too innocent and don't know the darker sides to life. Anyways, I wanted to say thanks for your comment on my piece 'You Are Everything'. I'm sorry you had to go through what you said with your friend. And I will check out the rest of your submissions.
    | Posted on 2004-08-03 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]
      orpheus raises a good question, however i have never seen Cabaret or anything so wouldn't know it if it bit me on the ass...and i got more of a murder-then with final energy, the first victim murders the murderer-feel instead of murder-suicide...but i dunno, just a guess...usually i feel weakened by these types with few words and mostly imagining,but this one was necessary to follow thru with once began...i like the last part where you mention dusk, no wait, its dawn...thats clever and changes a whole perspective. things that happen at night seem dark and ending, whereas murder in a new morning...stains the whole day with foreboding. tension...its very good. latah~april
    | Posted on 2004-07-21 00:00:00 | by leper messiah | [ Reply to This ]
      i normally stay off dark subjects but i'm been thinkging about dying a lot in these past few weeks (but no, i'm not suicidal - just wondering about death)... i liked the ending especially. there are just so many ways to interpret it -
    1. this write is about someone who was dreaming about death.. or
    2. defining death as a wake up call to a new life...
    i like the second one better!
    | Posted on 2004-07-20 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a fun read for me. I really don't know what to make of it. That last stanza is quite puzzling. I really don't have anything constructive to add. Maybe the next time I read, I'll have something more than, I enjoyed it
    | Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      likening the cut across the throat as eyes that open was ingeious, props to you for that stylish insert
    is it a double killing ie murder and then a suicide?
    though it almost seems like a bad dream, as the death sleep metaphore seems too calm and placid for that meaning?any insight to give?
    | Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by orpheus | [ Reply to This ]
      This one is strange. I like it though. The poems that write themselves are often the kewlist. Rock on man.

    | Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by bloodwing | [ Reply to This ]
      kind of weird, kind of fascinating. I like dark pieces. your descriptions are really good and the original style adds to it. but the ending leaves me a bit confused. dusk, dawn??
    anyway good piece.
    | Posted on 2004-07-17 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]

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