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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Anthem (revised)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 198
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 540
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1246



    Description:
       ~after the fire~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnthem (revised)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Anthem (revised)

    I shall be wings, but not the night
    There need to be other golden schemes
    Softly padding children draped in white
    Are merely vague metaphors for dreams

    I shall be blood coiled in the veins
    That tends to pulse with a keener skill
    When it lies beneath the skin as bright
    As a pump that steers the will

    All of the mute practitioners have said
    Sweat is what’s left when the hands are still
    And rest is all that is left of us
    When the whisper of shadows is all we feel


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Anthem

    I shall be wings, but not the night
    There need to be other golden schemes
    Softly padding children draped in white
    Are merely vague metaphors for dreams

    I shall be blood, but in the veins
    It tends to pulse with keener skill
    When it lies beneath the skin and bright
    As a pump that steers the will

    All the silent practitioners have said
    Sweat is what’s left when the hands are still
    And rest is all that is left of us
    When the whisper of shadows is all we feel




    Submitted on 2009-05-26 22:22:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Bill, this feels rough technically.

    Set up as it is I expected the meter to be smoother, also it's endstopped a lot which doesn't always aid in getting a strong message across.

    What's it about? This is to say, the crafting of it became my major focus.

    I was just thinking the other day how you have some really good stuff, especially some of the shorter ones.

    We can't win them all, but back to the drawing board with this one. That's the best bet imo.

    DB

    | Posted on 2009-05-27 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


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