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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: One Nightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CourtneyLynne
    ASL Info:    23/female/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 74/70/56
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 688
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1308



    Description:
       After a long and egregious block, i managed to scrape up a rather adequate poem. so enjoy, and pick it apart. I was messing with some rhyming ideas. it's kind of trite, but you work with what you've got.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOne Nightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lips like fire and stained with dread
    we use our moves in tainted beds
    toasting sins with darker wine
    we sigh and name our lies divine.
    Were we made to be this spry,
    or were our highs a bitter lie?

    (it's a gruesome parody-
    how we love with lust-)


    your lying eyes and sultry lips
    with hips that dip and swing,
    words are spoken, are they quips
    about your blighted bantering-
    yes, you're easy, that's quite clear
    your eyes are stained with sex, my dear
    but I'll love you, just tonight
    we'll wash among one night's delight.
    when tomorrow comes around
    I'll be gone without a sound
    because my dear you've loved too much
    and I'm not one to deal with such-
    you're a lie and lies are spry
    in their sinful play,
    but I'll leave my lies behind
    and focus on today...

    but night comes and there you are,
    with your lips as red as sin
    with your darkness from within
    we'll lie among your silken sighs
    for just another furtive cry
    keep it quiet, keep it sly,
    we have to do this- do or die.




    Submitted on 2009-05-26 23:58:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very well written piece, i wish i could rhyme like that haha. This is very revealing and obviously deeply emotional. I can relate to this poem because i have been down the same kind of roads, and i am sure i will get lost down them in the near future. Anyways, I am very impressed, but the only thing i would change is maybe not be so repetative with words, like, lie. And try not to use the same rhyme more then once. But you did better then I could have! lol

    Cheers,

    Gibson
    | Posted on 2009-05-27 00:00:00 | by igibson | [ Reply to This ]
      Well writ and very revealing and well truthful in such encounter. Will comment later have to digest first. I like it though I do not experience as such. Luvs Joachim
    | Posted on 2009-05-27 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]


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