Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Master of “You” dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ANGELO
    ASL Info:    23 / Male / Ortigas
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 1428/821/152
    Words: 217
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 148
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1391



    Description:
       I took this photo with my friend, Vasquez. And I wrote this poem because I'm bored and needed to mean something and his wife left him for a man who would take her to the movies and give her normal things that normal people should give... like flowers.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Master of “You” dots
    -------------------------------------------




    You say that I never make poems for you.
    Yet I write of city that kisses the sea
    and the scents of forgotten old docks you hold on to
    with the dreams of a foreign land “far far away.”

    I know that I never bought flowers for you—
    that I grew them on soil that knows nothing of Spring.
    But I sowed them with hands that have mastered your landscape and
    fingers that trailed every end of your earth.

    I’m a civilization that fell in your arms
    and a tongue that speaks mostly of late Summer nights
    when my body would curve to the memorized effort
    and form that would always find home in your outline.

    I won’t even turn on the lights anymore
    And I won’t even need all the help I can get
    from a half open pane that would welcome the streetlamps that
    sketch out the clothes we would leave by the door.

    And you’d say that I never write poems for you.
    Yet I’d lay by your side with a pair of soiled hands
    that can never afford to buy flowers with words
    that are only of docks and of late Summer nights,
    and a city that never stops kissing the sea.




    Submitted on 2009-05-27 22:34:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is lovely. It speaks of real romance, real love.

    I think it's a beautiful write.

    I hate flowers.

    Consider me echoing everything that has already been said. Except about me being your straight hubby. Because I'm a girl.

    Ahhh. I'm faving it :)

    Aly
    | Posted on 2009-10-07 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      I’m a civilization that fell in your arms
    and a tongue that speaks mostly of late Summer nights
    when my body would curve to the memorized effort
    and form that would always find home in your outline.


    This is such an astounding piece, and those lines are just... hash oil is such a dirty comparison, but the feeling from it.... it speaks to the nerve endings, and it's calming and oh=so=sultry electric the way it shivers just below the gray matter.

    I had a man who thought of flowers and never gave them except in words, who never brought anything to me but himself and his scars and his secrets, and I loved him more than all the roses that ever fell against my senses.... and just like that, it was over.

    Now I only love scarred, dirty hands. Clean ones bearing treasures have little soul and suspicious stories in their lines. How can you ever trust them?
    | Posted on 2009-09-08 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      well, you took it down and i don't know why. but then i do that too...

    this was for that.

    i think telling us that this sucks has more to do with the emotional investment that writing this took. it is a defence mechanism of sorts, to deride something that is more of one's self than one might want to cough to.

    you needn't have concerns in this respect though a, because i suppose those of us that enjoy your writing do so because it is so patently torn out of you, in the way that a difficult and obdurate splinter might be.

    it is always enriching to know what someone like you knows, because most of us would only have the faintest clue if we could be arsed to pick up a history book on the pi's - unlikely...

    i have to echo the comments of writers more capable than i below, in that you paint with a palette of colours mixed unnerringly to drive light through your words and i too would roll sentences 1 and 2 together: I notice the fear in your four-year-old eyes but I want you to know, more than anything else that there is no need to be frightened these days (because) you’re not a foreigner in this land - and neither am I.

    did you mean 'barrow the colour' or did you mean 'borrow'? - the latter would make more sense to me but it's a small matter in the scheme of things.

    i always feel as though i'm reading the scratched words of a shaman...
    | Posted on 2009-06-20 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      that inate ability to articulate the intricacies of a relationship comes from giving a 5hit in the first place: from having a deep and meaningful interest in the human condition. and from what i've seen over the last couple of years mate, this is where you come in.

    there always seems to be something hauntingly melodic going on in the background of your work, as though what you write about affects you in equal measure (see para 1 above) and that for me turns something that could be simple comment into something that is to be read again because there are lessons within.

    for the content well i think that you capture that modern day sickness so well here: that the grass is always greener. articulate and manageable and understandable. the message is clear but it is beautifully phrased.

    it's good to see you being productive again, even if this one came about by virtue of you being bored.

    the logical extension of that premise is to shut you in a veal crate and hand you a pen. we'd get lots of well wrought words to gobble down and you'd be - veal...

    but that would never do.

    take it easy mate,

    k
    | Posted on 2009-05-29 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      dude, if you were a chick i'd totally bang you...
    how's that for a poetic response?


    no, but seriously, you have liquid words. lyrical. passionate. dramatic. and filled with joie de vivre.

    this isn't something i feel very much, usually.
    but i do here.

    lots.

    signed,
    your straight hubby
    xxx












































    | Posted on 2009-05-28 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]
      As always Angelo, you make me wish I wrote this! Except, I couldn't have because you did and you did it so amazingly and I don't write amazingly like you do. I love it. I wish I had something to say other than "I love it" but I truly do. Late night reads like these are the reason I still come around this place. There's magic in your fingertips and I am so glad you shared this. Thank you. :)
    | Posted on 2009-05-28 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      i have words for this for when i'll be home later. for now, i'll just let this useless comment soak up some

























































    space.












    enrapturing piece.
    | Posted on 2009-05-27 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]
      of course you can't know
    that I've mourned your passing
    like a child might weep
    in encircling arms

    but you marked the course
    toward another kingdom
    and spit on the whispers
    that embraced the stars
    | Posted on 2009-05-27 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    174873



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry