Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Finalitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: realpoet
    Elite Ratio:    6.51 - 904/475/311
    Words: 198
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 530
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1165



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Finalitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    What evil mines
    the ore holds a truth:
    a life for a life,
    a tooth for a tooth.

    Evil may act alone
    or connected bone to bone,
    still there be an =sign
    to the equation of life's rhyme.

    For each life that is taken
    joy rests not with evil's awaken,
    there be a soul in attestation
    on right of ='s sign's affectation.

    Evil may think that it has conquered
    yearning not to hear the honkered
    bells of condemnation
    pealing their redress to subjugation.

    Evil lives in a house ,alone,
    where light flickers off and on
    in a confusion of worthiness
    as to what is good and what to confess.

    Evil has no hand to shake ,
    no smile of friendship's partake,
    just an ever eternal burn
    wanting what love can not yearn.

    When day of evil's confession comes
    it like bee to a flower hums,
    "Give me of your nectar sweet,"
    as flower says,"No treat, no treat, no treat."




    Submitted on 2009-05-28 22:05:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Okay,
    Hey you! You probably don't remember me, but you've read a couple of my pieces. I thought I'd return the favor. First let me say that I really appreciate the depth and time this poem must have taken. I just have nit-picky thing really.
    "Evil may act alone
    or connected bone to bone,
    still there be an =sign
    to the equation of life's rhyme."

    I like the idea of the connection of bone to bone, but can I just say that I'm not digging the use of the equals sign. It has a cool effect, but it might be the word lover in me, but I just want to see all of the letters on the page. It sort of ruins the lovely pacing you were establishing. But I understand that it was essential to the idea of the "equation" that you were getting at.Again, it was just nit-picky.
    "Evil may think that it has conquered
    yearning not to hear the honkered
    bells of condemnation
    pealing their redress to subjugation."

    This is amazing, can I just say? I LOVE the last line. It's the sort of mastery of the English language that gives you shivers..so kudos.

    "When day of evil's confession comes
    it like bee to a flower hums,
    "Give me of your nectar sweet,"
    as flower says,"No treat, no treat, no treat."

    I am a huge fan of repitition at the end of a poem. I do it in my own poety on occasion, but this was really well utilized repitition in your case. I love this idea of the bee speaking to the flower in this sort of tantilizing way..the best way to imagine it is Antonio Banderas' voice, and then the flower's answer...is perfect. I am very impressed with this. Overall, it is very good. I would tell you to keep mulling it over. Poetry gets better over time when you let it sort of age and stew and richen. So don't just stick this little beauty up here and forget about it. Come back to it, read it, and think about it often. Thank you for sharing this.
    ~Clover






    | Posted on 2009-05-28 00:00:00 | by clovernfoxglove | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    174926

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry