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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Finalitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: realpoet
    Elite Ratio:    6.51 - 904/475/311
    Words: 198
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 581
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1165



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Finalitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    What evil mines
    the ore holds a truth:
    a life for a life,
    a tooth for a tooth.

    Evil may act alone
    or connected bone to bone,
    still there be an =sign
    to the equation of life's rhyme.

    For each life that is taken
    joy rests not with evil's awaken,
    there be a soul in attestation
    on right of ='s sign's affectation.

    Evil may think that it has conquered
    yearning not to hear the honkered
    bells of condemnation
    pealing their redress to subjugation.

    Evil lives in a house ,alone,
    where light flickers off and on
    in a confusion of worthiness
    as to what is good and what to confess.

    Evil has no hand to shake ,
    no smile of friendship's partake,
    just an ever eternal burn
    wanting what love can not yearn.

    When day of evil's confession comes
    it like bee to a flower hums,
    "Give me of your nectar sweet,"
    as flower says,"No treat, no treat, no treat."




    Submitted on 2009-05-28 22:05:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Okay,
    Hey you! You probably don't remember me, but you've read a couple of my pieces. I thought I'd return the favor. First let me say that I really appreciate the depth and time this poem must have taken. I just have nit-picky thing really.
    "Evil may act alone
    or connected bone to bone,
    still there be an =sign
    to the equation of life's rhyme."

    I like the idea of the connection of bone to bone, but can I just say that I'm not digging the use of the equals sign. It has a cool effect, but it might be the word lover in me, but I just want to see all of the letters on the page. It sort of ruins the lovely pacing you were establishing. But I understand that it was essential to the idea of the "equation" that you were getting at.Again, it was just nit-picky.
    "Evil may think that it has conquered
    yearning not to hear the honkered
    bells of condemnation
    pealing their redress to subjugation."

    This is amazing, can I just say? I LOVE the last line. It's the sort of mastery of the English language that gives you shivers..so kudos.

    "When day of evil's confession comes
    it like bee to a flower hums,
    "Give me of your nectar sweet,"
    as flower says,"No treat, no treat, no treat."

    I am a huge fan of repitition at the end of a poem. I do it in my own poety on occasion, but this was really well utilized repitition in your case. I love this idea of the bee speaking to the flower in this sort of tantilizing way..the best way to imagine it is Antonio Banderas' voice, and then the flower's answer...is perfect. I am very impressed with this. Overall, it is very good. I would tell you to keep mulling it over. Poetry gets better over time when you let it sort of age and stew and richen. So don't just stick this little beauty up here and forget about it. Come back to it, read it, and think about it often. Thank you for sharing this.
    ~Clover






    | Posted on 2009-05-28 00:00:00 | by clovernfoxglove | [ Reply to This ]


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