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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: shattered breathingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: joy7542
    Elite Ratio:    5.03 - 1034/952/203
    Words: 258
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 71
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1764



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsshattered breathingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The world is cold
    outside the doorframe,
    the rain is falling hard against the windows
    beyond this moment
    there are things so cruel,
    crushing the ground and
    hearts of men

    so, let's take this moment
    like it's our last
    to spend.

    pull me into your frame
    as if you have missed me forever
    breathe my breath
    as if you have none to own --- let my skin melt you
    into the wrinkled sheets,
    let my sun grazed imperfections
    make you pull me in closer just to see
    what you can see.

    my eyes, like an ocean
    before it breaks on shore --
    my body washing over you
    like water
    reaching and receding
    as my fingertips glide over the landscapes
    of your skin...

    the world could break
    around us and
    here we would lie

    ...grasping for words
    as my fingers grasp for something
    other than the simple sounds escaping
    from my soft, full lips
    gasping for air,
    my lungs are struggling to find
    a way to move between pleasure and the heat
    of a broken heartbeat against
    your own

    intertwined with your fingers
    your lips, pressed with mine ---
    the ends of my body laced
    into your curves and creases
    falling like rain
    into the arms wrapping me in strength
    and language that needs nothing
    except shattered breaths, staggering thoughts
    shaking the ground
    bringing me closer
    when we couldn't get any closer...

    it's cold outside, broken outside
    not here --
    not here.




    Submitted on 2009-05-29 22:56:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is excellent, and very passionately presents the mood and somewhat disconnected thinking and doing in love making! It breathlessly makes time stand still, and presents souls drawn together as one and swirled in passion as if on the wind.
    | Posted on 2009-05-30 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Mmm, passionate.
    Dang, I like a lot of the words and images you use.
    This poem pulled me in, romanced me, and then kinda threw me out as I realized....I must be outside.

    But that's just me. Very nice. My biggest suggestion would be just to add a little more punctuation. Phrases like

    "the rain is falling hard against the windows
    beyond this moment
    there are things so cruel,"

    are confusing. Are the windows beyond this moment? or are things so cruel beyond this moment?
    | Posted on 2009-05-30 00:00:00 | by freshcookies | [ Reply to This ]



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