Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wounds of Timedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: freshcookies
    Elite Ratio:    4.15 - 63/77/45
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 735
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 745



    Description:
       Ehh...just, ouch.
    I needed to get this out.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWounds of Timedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I think time sometimes gets bored of healing wounds
    And has to create a few
    Because with each passing day
    I learn new ways to miss you

    I keep grabbing parts of us
    And parading them through my consciousness
    As if to remind myself the way we once loved
    But the visions just chafe against
    The parts of my heart that I fear will never give you up

    Then suddenly theyíre just sweet memories again
    Brushing pleasantly against my cheek
    As I wistfully, joyfully, reminisce
    And believe that it was, indeed, well worth it.

    But that lump in my throat begins to swell
    Just when Iím starting to believe
    That itíll be okay.




    Submitted on 2009-05-30 00:52:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ooo... your piece reminds me of this:



    ...they say it takes twice as long to forget as it was to get to know so now im sitting in my room talking bout six days down... and six more years to go...


    and yeah... i think time must get sick of healing wounds. its gotta be more than a healer... right?

    it'll be okay is just a line we tell ourselves until we wake up one day and realise its more than okay...

    hopefully you'll find that morning sometime soon
    | Posted on 2009-05-31 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I have that same haircut :D

    Ok, I feel as if this bugger will be strong when you finish it. There's certainly some hella good emotion in it already. I think though the light parts, in that you use light and shade in the poem, are where the quality falls away. the words in those places don't seem all they might be and maybe that's where the poem would benefit if you threw in some personal examples of the relationship, special moments, the park, the sea, together etc.

    Still, I think once you figure out all these things you'll have a damn good poem. I like it very much already.

    You could also play on the aspect of time being idle, you know the saying about idle hands etc.

    DB
    | Posted on 2009-05-30 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    174978

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry