Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Acknowledgmentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: thehappyfaery
    ASL Info:    20/cloudland.
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 114/47/22
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 430
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 655



    Description:
       this is very light in tone, it almost has the sound of a children's poem in my head. i havent written anything in about 3 years. this popped into my head this morning. any critiques would be much appreciated. this is supposed to be centered. peace and love.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAcknowledgmentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    this indistinctive chattering,
    is not just to show he's there,
    oh yes he does quite love to sing,
    and much loves to fill the air,

    but once you look behind his words,
    into his flittering eyes,
    you'll see that he is bearing hurt,
    a most unwelcome surprise.

    so listen, you, quite carefully
    to bountiful thoughts conveyed,
    for while he banters joyfully,
    his fears you can allay.

    display not a reproachful glance,
    but a countenance of delight,
    for this kind man needs just this chance,
    or else he'll take his flight.




    Submitted on 2009-06-01 16:26:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i have it in mind of a female's voice, singing gently. i wanted it to be about anyone really, telling girls that whoever it may be who continues to reach out and care and worry over you, deserves some kindness in return. i wanted the guy to be a lover, yes, but even a good friend or a father. upon posting this, i realized this takes on the guy-lover's voice more than anything. huh. ;
    | Posted on 2009-06-03 00:00:00 | by thehappyfaery | [ Reply to This ]
      Nothing in three years? This sweet after a spell like that, nothing I can say about it, reads like a story and the tone is soft, so you reached out with where you were at internally, successfully. Gently nice nicety
    | Posted on 2009-06-03 00:00:00 | by Andz | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    175053

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry