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    dots Submission Name: intoxicatingdots

    Author: totojane03
    ASL Info:    25- colorado springs
    Elite Ratio:    3.95 - 151/77/35
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 467
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 859


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Yesterday morning I watch the clouds roll in,
    The smell of the rain was so toxic,
    Wishing it could be like this all the time,
    As I sat there wishing You were there with me,
    Not running around, Or working, But with me,
    I was missing you so deeply,
    And when you called It made me wish harder and harder,
    Once again I was waiting,
    Wishing, Hoping,
    Praying, Thinking, Wondering....
    Daydreaming, With a big imagination,
    Later that night I feel asleep,
    You awoke me with a kiss,
    Surprizing me,
    I was so tired that I started falling back to sleep,
    You tucked me in,
    Turned out the lights and held me tightly,
    In the morning I smiled as you woke me with a kiss again,
    That when I knew, I was your lover,
    But first I was your freind.

    Submitted on 2009-06-02 11:39:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I liked it, had a very nice flow and rythm, also beautiful and descriptive and very heartfelt. this is an ode to happiness and love that is completed when the significant other is around you. I liked it and thought it was very nice and well written even with grammar errors i could still feel what you wanted to convey. Thank you for sharing.
    | Posted on 2009-09-01 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      Splendidly written! Very picturesque and filled with heartfelt imagery and emotion. Thanks for sharing! tea4two
    | Posted on 2009-08-26 00:00:00 | by tea4two | [ Reply to This ]
      thanks anyways sorry you dont like it but I know other writers that do. -totojane03-

    Both deepinthought and Ron Cole were complaining of your grammatical errors on 6/02/2009. You keep saying, you'll fix it when you get around to it.... why not fix at least ONE and have it look right? It's not "purrr-fect" we're going for, it's an illusion of "educated" and not "stupid as a rock & doesn't give a [censored]".

    Guess I'm not the only one.

    Please, for the love of god, FIX your errors!
    | Posted on 2009-08-24 00:00:00 | by therealmojymo | [ Reply to This ]
      This showed a pretty sentiment...but you made a few grammatical mistakes. I also agree about using "intoxicating" instead of "toxic".
    | Posted on 2009-06-02 00:00:00 | by deepinthought | [ Reply to This ]
      This reads like a dream, and tells a tender and charming story.

    I think you want to use the word "intoxicating", and not toxic though. Toxic means poison, and refers to stuff that is really bad.

    Nice work!
    | Posted on 2009-06-02 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]

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