I like how you conceived this poem to say the last word about a love which was not fulfilled or which didn't last.
Love was not finished with us.------- such an intriguing metaphor!
Also - the last stanza stays in my heart, such a way with words you have, my dear. It was a poem without any negative feeling yet it speaks of unfulfilled love, it needs great strength to write like this.
i love the beginning, the middle and the end of this!
and i am relating to the sadness and the longing and the brutal frankness here. this beautifully crafted piece is particularly poignant for me since you refer to all the oceanic metaphors , for which i have a real sense of understanding. (i find this often too with jase. he has a natural feel of the sea which never fails to sweep me off into the deep) funnily enough, my daughter and i have just been for two spectacular dives in the turquoise sea off cozumel. we are back in the apartment just in time, as the weather has developed into a fierce storm and the sea has turned wild. we are warm and all cuddly now. looking out from our balcony. that plus a few mugs of hot mulled wine has left me feeling a little emotional.... but
this writing of yours had touched my heart earlier... now i am ready to fully appreciate the effect of it .
it is beautiful
as are you .
yes, I admit
I wanted to take you
to the core of your soul
I was there and saw you
shining, as though you had
forgotten any need
for just a moment
i love the opening stanza, nan.
it breaths passion, mystery and intrigue.
ive been in relationships in the past where ive
the particular ladies that i see into their soul, as it were,
and they are lovely beyond description.
often ppl will see us as we really are...
overall ive love reading this eloquent and powerful
piece. great job, nan!
I don't believe we can think
ourselves into happiness
or gain one morsel
what we don't have
Sometimes the hardest thing to write is the plain truth, and that bit there is a shining example. It's exceptionally said, Nan. As is the rest. It contains a earthy yet ethereal quality you capture better than anyone I know 'round here. It makes for a deeply satisfying read, even when the subject matter is of longing. I suppose it's because it touches. And the first stanza! I feel the need to mention that one, too. It immediately takes hold. It's a beautiful way of wanting to shake someone awake so that they can see what you see in them. Don't we all wish our loved ones could look through our eyes at some point?
I do think your final stanza could use a little more work. I love that you consider yourself a mermaid. My grandfather claimed true poets are able to hear mermaids singing. So I think the idea is there, the execution is just a little off. Don't really have a more specific offering.
It's quiet around here. I hope you post again soon.