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    dots Submission Name: How the world isdots

    Author: Dreamer5009
    ASL Info:    16, Male, USA
    Elite Ratio:    5.02 - 73/53/28
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 960
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 799


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHow the world isdots

    We live in an upside down world
    upon our couches snugly curled
    everything around us falling into open sky
    with our eyes shut tight we wonder why
    all through the night, we sleep
    trying our hardest not to weep

    We watch as doctors and their wives
    take our unborn children's lives
    people all around us lying
    people in the desert dying
    the rest of the world watches in chagrin
    as we destroy ourselves from within

    as the new dawn approaches
    the vivid nightmare of our lives reproaches
    everything comes back down to its original place
    our hearts beating now at a normal pace
    for we know now that today,seeming bad in every way,
    will always leave us with a better day

    Submitted on 2009-06-10 12:22:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Adding to my comment below: One bad habit you seem to have, maybe without knowing it until now, it trying to account for life, the Universe and everything in a single short poem - again and again and again!

    Well I know it's fun, we all do that a lot. But readers are bored by work like that.

    My solution has been to write the personally tasty superpoem, which often enough is unreadable to anybody else, but later (in a more artificial mood) break it up into its bits, each one of which could be the idea for a rich poem in public language, not too profound nor difficult, which people are likely to read with understanding and delight. Or maybe for a story or any kind of write. I got a series of paintings out of one incomprehensible philosophical opus ... funny paintings. Somebody laughed at one of them too.

    That treatment of one's Major Worx more or less makes one try to be witty. Human nature! But readers just love a wit.

    I don't actually mean we need to give a damn about readers. I just mean, I do sometimes and I claim it is fun ...
    | Posted on 2010-01-03 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      You are good at making verse! I noticed the rhyming with delight because it has some subtle skilful bits that I don't think we can learn at school ... some poets can rhyme and some don't seem to get it. You are OK at that. Some folk hold that rhyming is not important to poetry; but it is certainly important to songwrtiting and lyrical verse. The public have no intention of ever doing without rhyme!
    | Posted on 2010-01-03 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Very well put, and I would have to argue that it was written better than mine. we have similar styles...I'll have to admit. when i gather some more time, i'm definitely gonna check some more out.

    till then...take care
    | Posted on 2009-06-15 00:00:00 | by Jessa | [ Reply to This ]
      its the little things that make the world seem better.like metting an old friend again.i had so much fun talking to you again.you have changed so much from since i used to know you.its was awsome getting to know you again.
    | Posted on 2009-06-11 00:00:00 | by PopRocksRae | [ Reply to This ]

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