Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

"Broken Winged Angel"


Author: manda_bear
ASL Info:    24;f; alabama
Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 57 /64 /23
Words: 435
Class/Type: Story /Misc
Total Views: 972
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2411



Description:




"Broken Winged Angel"





She tried to fly but cries out in pain. Looking back she sees him laughing.
''Try to fly little Angel,'' Satan whispers to her. She falls to her knees knowing this isn't over. With all the strength she has she stands to her feet. Staring blankly at the Dark Lord of Hell she walks to him angry and unhappy with him. Worried at what he is seeing he starts stepping back knowing the wrath that is about to be unleashed on him. He hadn't seen that for years. As she draws closer to him he feels himself growing weaker by the second. He cries out in pain when he hears a loud crack. That's when he knew she was showing no mercy. Why should she he broke her wings that she worked so hard to receive. Once they were broken he knew an Angel was weak, but not this one. There was something new something different about her. He had defeated many before her and knew this time he wasn't going to win. She was neither God's pick or His right hand. She had a strength that is unusual.

''It is time Satan for you to fall to your knees.'' She cries out as she reaches for him. ''You will remember when I, Annabella Groundstream, defeated you and the evil you tried to push upon Heaven.'' Wide eyed Satan looks down on her knowing the name rather well. She hadn't been seen in so long. The beauty of her was more then desirable. Annabella was one of the oldest Angels that should have had her wings long ago. There was once a battle between Heaven and Hell on who would have her. She walked away from both places to live on earth as a mortal. It had been a thousand years at least since that day of her decision and she is here fighting for Heaven. God never condemned her for leaving. Satan hated her for it. Now she is back defending God. ''Satan you have had your last battle here in Heaven. Leave now before I force you out.''Knowing the consequences if he does not do what she says. She drops him to the ground to hear him fall hard with a thud. He slowly creeps away then suddenly stops. Annabella prepares herself for a battle. He runs to attack and falls hard again. ''You have given me no choice. You are hearby banished from Heaven and all it's creations for all eternity.'' A light engulfs him as he is tossed back into the pits of Hell.




Submitted on 2009-06-10 15:11:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I happened to like it. It was imaginitive. It was very original, as i have yet to read something like it. True it needs some work. but no one can write something and it never needs to be touched up again. Thats why writing is s beautiful. You can write something and change it until it is right for you... You not everypne else. I'd much rather write something that i love then claim something that i hate, while others admire it. Keep writing on this one. i think you'll find it to develop into a fine work.

''Try to fly little Angel,'' Satan whispers to her. She falls to her knees knowing this isn't over. With all the strength she has she stands to her feet."

That is my favorite part. that no matter what has happened to the angel, she gets back up. That is the most important thing i got out of this. No matter what happens, get back up.

Akai_ame

| Posted on 2009-06-11 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ]
  Your writing shows a lack of polish, rough and un-developed with (I imagine) very little editing. Possibly even written straight into the submits page?

There is a lot for you to work on, but I did think it was cool to see you push your imagination, to be bold and take liberties. Theres gusto in the making of this, I reckon you probably had fun writing it. So keep at it sure, you never know how things can develope. The fantasy genre could suit you well if you are willing to learn. Try reading some good fan-fiction and see how the best execute their work. This isn't really my thing you know, Angels and Demons, fantasy etc, I'm not really into that side of writing so much, but I like to see someone give it a proper go.

-Craig
| Posted on 2009-06-10 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



175328