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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fantasy's Decaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Housecat
    Elite Ratio:    0.01 - 0/2/1
    Words: 237
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Romance
    Total Views: 515
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1648



    Description:
       First post. Some sort of lyrics, derived from the tragedy of my love life. Pardon the ridiculously obvious metaphors and clichés.

    It's nothing special, but I'm curious to read what you think about it, however harsh the review. Thoughtful feedback is always appreciated.

    For the casual reader, I dare to hope that you enjoy some aspect of this piece.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFantasy's Decaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Verse
    [Knights in shining armor
    Shed their plate and show their scales
    Dragons robbing dragons of their damsels

    Silly males, and their games...
    Cut them down, and you'll see they're all the same
    Yet, what better way to waste my time than]

    Chorus
    [Play your trophy for a while
    the apple in your eyes
    the sparkle in your smile
    full of teeth, sharp as ice

    I'll be your diamond in the rough
    the stone implies 'forever'
    but eternity, so much
    and am I worth it? Never...]

    Verse
    [Castles in the distance
    Or a cave, at second glance?
    Arms, I trade for talons
    Disillusioned from this trance, I am ashamed

    Deep within, you know you're all the same
    Yet, who better to waste my time upon than you]

    Chorus
    [Your jewel of the Nile
    the apple in your eyes
    the sparkle in your smile
    full of teeth, sharp as ice

    I'll be that diamond in the rough
    and as such, I'll cry,"Forever!"
    throughout dreams of shedding cuffs
    return your freedom? Never...]

    Bridge?
    [Sought to end my agony
    you thought you'd don your steel
    riding out to meet the dawn

    Adorned in your hypocrisies
    you'd have me see as steel
    What am I, if not your latest pawn?]

    Finale
    [And who remains to rescue me from you, now
    A dying breed, those meant to rescue me from you, now...]




    Submitted on 2009-06-11 07:26:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. I envision this as lyrics to a progressive rock song, oddly enough. I love lyrics (and music) that rely on medieval romanticism.

    I agree with red. 'SPEAK POET!' It's been awhile since I've read some decent lyrics. True, many song lyrics are not as strong as poetry that is meant to be read instead of heard. That applies to this, somewhat. However, it seems to rely not so much on rhyme as most other lyrics, and in that way it comes across more as a regular free-form poem. I'm not very fond of rhyming anyhow.

    Good job, brave knight! Thou hast verily written something stellar.

    ~Asia
    | Posted on 2009-06-11 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
      Um, I don't know what haters you've been letting read your stuff. but this jawn (philly slang for thing) is hot.

    "I'll be your diamond in the rough
    the stone implies 'forever'
    but eternity, so much
    and am I worth it? Never...]"

    SPEAK PO-ET!! The ironic thing is I really identify with this line cuz I just did a whole poem about diamonds and what not. Wish I'd came up with this verse though.

    SPIT FROM YOUR SPINE
    red
    | Posted on 2009-06-11 00:00:00 | by red_summer | [ Reply to This ]

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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