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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Curse of Beautydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PO3TiKPO1SON
    ASL Info:    22/yes,male/El Paso Tx
    Elite Ratio:    5.26 - 7/5/3
    Words: 268
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 122
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1449



    Description:
       A poem i wrote for my sister 4 years ago...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Curse of Beautydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Gifted with Beauty you tread on the roses...
    your purpose is well understood,
    cursed with the lust of the beast in the valley...
    your gift is both Evil and good.
    Naively you walk through The Land of The Heartless,
    your radiance deadly allure...
    your innocence captures the eyes in the darkness,
    the fate of your life insecure.
    IT TAKES YOU, AND BINDS YOU.
    Your world of perfection collapses
    and fades 2 reality.
    Moral disgrace, melancholy reigns,
    the price 4 peace is your sanity.

    Hang on little lady, stay strong a bit longer,
    I Love You, i'll come 2 the rescue.
    Just wait filthy Devil, 2nite you will die,
    i swear it by God i detest you.
    A curtain of ire now covers my face,
    and his Death is my purpose in life...
    but the beast got away, long, long ago,
    and they say i cant travel through time.
    You endured what no man could endure
    and recovered,
    though you kept it in secrecy weeks...
    and its shameful 2 say, but that day i discovered
    my Love 4 you traveled so deep.
    In The Land of The Heartless the Evil remains,
    but in Hell he will suffer Gods wrath...
    some people are blessed with a Beauty divine,
    but are cursed with the burdens attached.


    -Raziel Flores




    Submitted on 2009-06-11 16:19:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      was she pregnant?
    | Posted on 2009-06-23 00:00:00 | by vLame | [ Reply to This ]
      your sense of meter and tempo in this was absolutely astonishing. It built up, and was sharp and lavish on the tongue. I thought you had a refreshing unique array of diction, and everything fit together seamlessly. This is getting an instant favorite, and I hope you keep writing with this much attention to form and composition.

    The poems message was deep and well communicated, I'm sure your sister was awed and comforted.

    sorry for the brokenness of this comment, I'm not one for commenting much anymore, and it was hard to break that mold with this piece... I just had to.
    | Posted on 2009-06-18 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
      Gifted with Beauty you tread on the roses...
    your purpose is well understood,
    cursed with the lust of the beast in the valley...
    your gift is both Evil and good.


    Have you ever read the book "Til We Have Faces" by C. S. Lewis? I think I've already asked you that...but this first part reminds me of it soooo much....because....there was a King...and he had a daughter...and she was ugly as sin...her mother died, and the King took a second wife, who died giving birth to the most beautiful baby girl anyone had ever seen....Everyone in the land called her a goddess and asked her to bless them when they were walking by...but then, they got jealous, and fearful of the wrath of the gods...and they tied her to a tree in the mountain as a sacrafice to the god of love (cupid) but he ended up falling in love with her....

    I like this one because the way you wrote it reminds me of a story. I like the way it's kind of divided into two pieces...first you talking to/about your sister, and then focusing on how YOU felt about the situation....

    I actually think that it would help if you spaced those parts out...since you are showing them off on the internet, spacing and format is a big issue....

    some people are blessed with a Beauty divine,
    but are cursed with the burdens attached.

    Your endings always kill me! You give so many lessons in your writing, but you disguise them with words so that it's not the same run of the mill lesson....And you make something that was so painful and ugly, and you turn it into a kind of.....rough beauty....
    | Posted on 2009-06-12 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]
      hey guys please comment if u like...or dont like. thanks. :D
    | Posted on 2009-06-12 00:00:00 | by PO3TiKPO1SON | [ Reply to This ]



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