I was laying on the couch
| Again, spelling errors such as "that's" when it's supposed to be "that" b/c an "is" is not implied. I am (hopefully) a future English teacher so I'm very aware of them.|
I honestly don't know what to say. I can't help you make this piece better even if there's anything to improve. I can't even begin to comment at this time. I think I need a few days to absorb it all completely, study it and suck all of the emotion out of it. I hope that this piece never dies on me from my eager devouring. It certainly won't be forgotten. :)
If I never comment on this piece again, then it must be that I am unable to do so for a multitude of reasons.
However, in your description, you spoke of your mother, and yet, in the second part of the piece, you say "I'm your sister." Do you mean daughter?
|| Posted on 2009-08-27 00:00:00 | by mojymo | [ Reply to This ] || Damn this was good!|
I've never read anything quite like this before. I thought the imagery was great all the way through, and the way you arranged it just worked so well - one line sinks in...then the next...then the next...
I liked how it was written in plain English, so that it's simple and yet it had such depth. I pretty much liked every line. My favourite bit would have to be: "But instead I stared at the cobwebs on the ceiling".
|| Posted on 2009-06-13 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ] |