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I was laying on the couch 

And I knew I should try to sleep,

But instead, I stared at the cobwebs

On the ceiling, swaying in the air

From the fan propped up on a chair.

And when I heard you coming

Down the stairs I thought it 

Would be funny to attack you.

So I hid behind the stairs 

And when you found the last step,

I jumped out and used a couch cushion

As a weapon, giggling hysterically.

You picked me up and play wrestled me, 

But you let me win, and made me think

I was stronger than you .

We always woke dad up,

From our screeches and laughter,

So he would stomp down the stairs

Shouting at the top of his lungs.

I would scramble back into bed and 

Pretended to sleep, and soon after

I would slip into a sweet coma-sleep,

Tears from laughing still wet on my face.





Now im laying on the couch

And you stumble over to me,

Not sure who I am. Not caring.

I see the twisted sick thoughts in your eyes

And I tell you to leave me alone,

But you think im joking, 

And you say things that make me nauseous

And start reaching for me,

So I shriek at you, “Im your sister” 

And I shove you away, but you still don’t know

Whats going on , so you shove me back

And try to punch me, because you think its funny,

That im so small and that’s im really terrified.

This isn’t play wrestling like when we were kids,

This is how you fight, when your not sure 

If you would live, if you were to lose.

And dad isn’t here to yell at us

Like were just playing, he’s miles away, oblivious.

So I shove with all my strength,

And I don’t know if you fell or not

Because im already on the street.

I run until my feet hit sand,

A mile away, and I stare at the waves,

Begging God to let me die. After 

An hour, I realize my feet are torn up,

Bleeding from running barefoot.

But I don’t care even slightly,

Until I have to walk home hours later,

Limping along, wondering if I should,

Just give up and curl up in someones

Bushes to sleep, or a back tool shed.

I hate myself for it, but I go home,

And sneak up stairs, to collapse in bed 

And fall into a coma-sleep,

Tears of frustration still wet on my face.