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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Relapse (The Same Ghost Story)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: NoMartyr
    ASL Info:    18/M/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    2.51 - 33/97/91
    Words: 211
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1229
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1295



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRelapse (The Same Ghost Story)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Today I woke up dreaming, dreaming I could fly
    Too late, I've hit the ground and woke falling to my demise
    But I'd like to say I'd be there lying face down in the dirt
    I'd like to think I attained flight and relapsed before I died

    It doesn't matter now
    The same ghost stories being read aloud
    Scrutinized prophet only crucified
    How they begged for him to come back down
    I envy the stillborn
    Get out while you still can
    Never have to fear the rich man
    Never have to lie to a friend

    Let go and just move on
    Sleeping dogs will lie you see
    It's never too bad if there's enough to eat
    And the smoke will clear
    The dust dies down
    Left you blind for years in the blink of an eye in a relapse
    You just relapsed, you'll be fine

    I am used to feeling so overjoyed
    And I've lost you in projecting those decoys in defense
    The pursuit; hang on to what precious pretense that we have got to
    'til I find you sighing in the ear of a comrade I thought I knew

    While I'm on your mind
    Wanna crawl into REM?
    Leave it all behind?
    And crawl into bed?




    Submitted on 2009-06-13 03:03:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this does seem kind of lyrical. perspectively it seems all over the place, but considering it sounds alot like modern lyric it can't be too irrational to state that we're all over different places these days.

    it seems undecided but not smearing a face from either side. a little dark in tone as it progressed, but nothing more than......mainstream alternative. i get it, at least i think. the last stanza seems almost pointless especially being at the end to think of it in a linear fashion.........(not really conveying my thought well here so sorry for that). so yeah i like it, i think my only personal dis likes was that the repitition seemed out of place. but given pace that might be me reading......so i can't say for sure, but it didn't work for me. um yeah and that last stanza, but maybe with a few more reads i'll pull it in. seems better earlier in the piece.
    | Posted on 2009-06-14 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmmm...Well I thought this started off okay, but deteriorated as it went on.

    My main problem with it was I felt it sounded too much like modern song lyrics, which is seldom a good thing.

    I think the last stanza was pretty bad, as was the "You crucified..." one...As was "I envy the stillborn" line.

    In conclusion I would say this piece lacked subtlety and, as a result, sounded bad. But that is only my opinion. Perhaps others will voice theirs.

    Cheers,
    Alexboy
    | Posted on 2009-06-13 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]


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