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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Surprisedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dreamer5009
    ASL Info:    16, Male, USA
    Elite Ratio:    5.02 - 73/53/28
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 739
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 443



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSurprisedots
    -------------------------------------------


    It took me by surprise
    you expressed your feelings
    And I wondered if it was wise
    to see this fact appealing

    I pondered the implications
    of telling you comforting lies
    T'would give rise to complications
    and sever our close ties

    If you ask the right way
    and the answer gives rise
    T'will astound and sway
    And you'll get caught by surprise




    Submitted on 2009-06-13 09:55:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It is a bit awkwardly built. The lines are clear and easy to understand, but in this poem, the strong rhymes that you use are too prominent - too heavy, since the poem is a persuasive argument quite tenderly or lovingly delivered.

    I'm not sure what to suggest (except, don't mess with this poem, get on and write another!)

    Perhaps, because you are so good at rhyme, you ought to practice hiding rhymes and building sound patterns inside the lines and from stanza to stanza. People don't notice it so much, but just love the verse anyway! How to do that, nobody can explain because it's a feel ... I just think you have that feel!
    | Posted on 2009-06-14 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      i like it and im revising my old comment.
    your are un-predictable
    rachel:)
    | Posted on 2009-06-13 00:00:00 | by PopRocksRae | [ Reply to This ]


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