It is a bit awkwardly built. The lines are clear and easy to understand, but in this poem, the strong rhymes that you use are too prominent - too heavy, since the poem is a persuasive argument quite tenderly or lovingly delivered.
I'm not sure what to suggest (except, don't mess with this poem, get on and write another!)
Perhaps, because you are so good at rhyme, you ought to practice hiding rhymes and building sound patterns inside the lines and from stanza to stanza. People don't notice it so much, but just love the verse anyway! How to do that, nobody can explain because it's a feel ... I just think you have that feel!
Submission Name: Surprise
