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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Faith IIdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    19/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    3.99 - 1202/1167/316
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 50
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 634



    Description:
       Am willing to work on this one.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFaith IIdots
    -------------------------------------------


    God spoke to me through a one eyed prophet

    And what he had to say is trouble asking
    words meaning less than the lips that speak them

    Spoke of
    Whispers
    Listening with a reserved point of view
    inaudible direction
    state of mind

    Is that all then?

    The silence of the morning and the troubled fears worked out in a good nights rest

    The same equation working itself out on the face of a clock
    and inspired by the coming of night
    the things left undone
    the climb up to the top
    of that proverbial mountain




    Submitted on 2009-06-13 18:57:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Because I know you, I understand some of this stuff more than others might, which I personally find bothersome because I don't know how literal you are being.

    S1
    Is literal.

    S2
    L1: "is trouble asking" I can't find a sensible way for this to connect to the next line, so I find those three words confusing. I do not think this stanza has any of what the prophet says, I think that is the next stanza. I can not figure this out.

    L2: The physical is more important than what should be said.
    Lust over thought.
    Whatever is being said isn't terribly important because there is a draw, an attraction, a pull between two.

    Anything?

    S3
    Here he speaks.
    Of whispers, obvious. What kind of whispers? Whispers are secrets. Whispers are temptation. Whispers are suggestion. Whispers are closeness. Whispers create paranoia.

    L3: Now, is the speaker listening, is the prophet listening, or is this linked to something else, more figurative and I suppose lost on me. "reserved point of view" though, kept to oneself, thus the point of view is not being expressed, something is not being challenged, only allowed to happen.

    L4: This could connect back to whispers, and suggests "suggestion"

    L5: as in "inaudible state of mind" I see, lack of certainty. Lack of control. Lack of foresight. Lost. Not as that, unnecessary from what I can tell. Maybe connects back. Whispers=Suggestion. Suggesting?

    S4
    One expects more than what was received. This prophet disappoints, does not tell what to do. The inaudible state of mind wants to be -told-, not given information to work with.

    S5
    Seems literal enough. All is resolved with good rest.

    S6
    L1: Does not make sense to me. Or does. The equation (a problem I suppose) is being worked out in time. One is waiting rather than being proactive.

    L2: Does not make sense in connection with the previous line, the upcoming line, or alone. Unless the problem is given more attention at night, more effort. Or I suppose the things afterward are inspired by nightfall, though it doesn't seem necessary to me (nor make sense).

    L3
    Regret? Or the problem causes things to be left alone, unfinished.

    The mountain (does it need to be proverbial?) is struggle. I guess.

    Overall
    I don't see how this has much to do with faith, other than the idea of waiting and trying to let things work out on their own without having to take part, be proactive, or responsible. Placing the climb into someone else's hands and living vicariously through that person's struggles and eventually claiming them as you own without actually having to deal with it.

    Faith, though? I don't see it here. I am beginning to believe I am too dense for poetry and should just cease. Or perhaps it is just easier to do this toward people I don't know, won't meet, and could care less about.

    This is better than "Commercial", but I still think you've degraded a bit compared to some of your past stuff.

    I have no real suggestions other than those you can draw from what I've typed here. It should be easy to note where there is confusion and where you need to put more effort. Assuming you want to be understood and the point of this piece to be noted. You'll likely find someone on here who will understand more than I. I hope.
    | Posted on 2009-06-15 00:00:00 | by Sir Jimeth | [ Reply to This ]



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