[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Faith IIdots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 581
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 634

       Am willing to work on this one.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFaith IIdots

    God spoke to me through a one eyed prophet

    And what he had to say is trouble asking
    words meaning less than the lips that speak them

    Spoke of
    Listening with a reserved point of view
    inaudible direction
    state of mind

    Is that all then?

    The silence of the morning and the troubled fears worked out in a good nights rest

    The same equation working itself out on the face of a clock
    and inspired by the coming of night
    the things left undone
    the climb up to the top
    of that proverbial mountain

    Submitted on 2009-06-13 18:57:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Because I know you, I understand some of this stuff more than others might, which I personally find bothersome because I don't know how literal you are being.

    Is literal.

    L1: "is trouble asking" I can't find a sensible way for this to connect to the next line, so I find those three words confusing. I do not think this stanza has any of what the prophet says, I think that is the next stanza. I can not figure this out.

    L2: The physical is more important than what should be said.
    Lust over thought.
    Whatever is being said isn't terribly important because there is a draw, an attraction, a pull between two.


    Here he speaks.
    Of whispers, obvious. What kind of whispers? Whispers are secrets. Whispers are temptation. Whispers are suggestion. Whispers are closeness. Whispers create paranoia.

    L3: Now, is the speaker listening, is the prophet listening, or is this linked to something else, more figurative and I suppose lost on me. "reserved point of view" though, kept to oneself, thus the point of view is not being expressed, something is not being challenged, only allowed to happen.

    L4: This could connect back to whispers, and suggests "suggestion"

    L5: as in "inaudible state of mind" I see, lack of certainty. Lack of control. Lack of foresight. Lost. Not as that, unnecessary from what I can tell. Maybe connects back. Whispers=Suggestion. Suggesting?

    One expects more than what was received. This prophet disappoints, does not tell what to do. The inaudible state of mind wants to be -told-, not given information to work with.

    Seems literal enough. All is resolved with good rest.

    L1: Does not make sense to me. Or does. The equation (a problem I suppose) is being worked out in time. One is waiting rather than being proactive.

    L2: Does not make sense in connection with the previous line, the upcoming line, or alone. Unless the problem is given more attention at night, more effort. Or I suppose the things afterward are inspired by nightfall, though it doesn't seem necessary to me (nor make sense).

    Regret? Or the problem causes things to be left alone, unfinished.

    The mountain (does it need to be proverbial?) is struggle. I guess.

    I don't see how this has much to do with faith, other than the idea of waiting and trying to let things work out on their own without having to take part, be proactive, or responsible. Placing the climb into someone else's hands and living vicariously through that person's struggles and eventually claiming them as you own without actually having to deal with it.

    Faith, though? I don't see it here. I am beginning to believe I am too dense for poetry and should just cease. Or perhaps it is just easier to do this toward people I don't know, won't meet, and could care less about.

    This is better than "Commercial", but I still think you've degraded a bit compared to some of your past stuff.

    I have no real suggestions other than those you can draw from what I've typed here. It should be easy to note where there is confusion and where you need to put more effort. Assuming you want to be understood and the point of this piece to be noted. You'll likely find someone on here who will understand more than I. I hope.
    | Posted on 2009-06-15 00:00:00 | by Sir Jimeth | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Fasade written by jackz
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Carry written by saartha
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    AI written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Love written by saartha
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    untitled written by ShyOne
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Ache written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]