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    dots Submission Name: THE PALAEONTOLOGISTdots

    Author: hanuman
    ASL Info:    3 score & 10 & some!
    Elite Ratio:    5.99 - 804/1015/239
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 809
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1166

       I was impressed by Glen Bowman's poem "Angling" about the genesis of poetry. I thought I would repost my version of the same topic. It is in fact the first poem I ever published on Elite Skills.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I dig fossils
    From the matrix of my mind.
    They are the bare bones of thought,
    My petrified emotions.
    I strip away the breccia
    To reveal the skeletons
    In their rocky cupboards.
    They are poems deposited
    In my sedimentary years.
    Now I bear the white beard
    Of the palaeontologist
    And dare excavate
    The Precambrian explosion
    Of adolescence
    When hallucigenia roamed
    The hormonal tide line.
    In my Jurassic dinosaur time,
    My years of honest toil
    And married bliss,
    I discover mostly sauropods,
    Ponderous thoughts.
    But here and there
    In Gobi Desert shale
    I find a protoavian form,
    Icarus trapped Ariel wise.
    Delicately I peel and pare
    To reveal the gracile bones.
    I build up muscles
    With sinewy metaphor.
    I clothe it with a skin like simile.
    I either down or feather its puny form
    With iridescent verbal plumes
    And inspire it with breath,
    The kiss of life.
    Released at last it soars
    Mayfly like to wing singeing heights.

    Submitted on 2009-06-14 00:09:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i enjoyed where you took me with this; as one who's always loved reading up on the earth's history, this found a welcome home.

    can i make a few suggestions regarding five of your lines? dis/regard as you see fit; these are merely some thoughts on how i think this could be smoother:

    I clothe it with a skin-like simile
    And feather its puny form
    With iridescent verbal plumes:
    Inspire it with breath,
    The kiss of life.

    a genesis indeed.
    | Posted on 2009-07-19 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]
      i dig this till the last few lines. just in that i think it has the terms too into the process of writing. but i suppose considering the topic it was inevitable to go that route.

    the form is set up well; some of the vocab went over my head, but i spose that's nut te hrdst task to cmplsh. though i was actually motivated to look up what i didn't know and nothing was phonetically difficult so i found it easy to read the poem through and appreciate the form throughout.

    i couldn't find hallucigenia. though it makes sense in a way given the meaning of haluccinagen. given it's almost describing conscience. but i'm not so sure i'm spot on there.

    excellent form. not my area of interest but still deserving of respect for it's use of form and natural meter.
    | Posted on 2009-06-14 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]

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