Very nice. I really don't know what to say about this piece. I'm not sure about the line "... desert sands" I like it, but I don't know how it fits. I really don't see anything that needs to change. I enjoyed the read
ohh, nice nice nice. Its a very clever piece, as the title largely suggest, the first stanza, with lines like: Why did I let you control my mouth? You handpicked the arson dancing inside my blood... Drops of poison entwined in a rage of passion- O' will it ever hurt me enough?? those is just awsome, there seems to be quite a bit of malice flowing throughout this piece, and its kind of erie, (I think thats the lake and not the real spelling) anyway I'm babbling now, so GOOD SHOW.