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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ergodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: meoww
    Elite Ratio:    6.75 - 262/258/143
    Words: 183
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 620
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2120



    Description:
       wrote this earlier today.

    note: got a note back from a fellow would-be literattist just today (a bunch of us are in the process of workshopping material in a studio at the moment)... anyway, she's just written something in reply, so this is a collaborative work in progress now.

    just thought i'd say that.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsergodots
    -------------------------------------------




    twenty
    seven reasons
    to curve
    this crushing rain
    back beyond
    my gate.

    a diaspora of fingers
    clutching wildly

    at paintings.



         maybe

    there's a word          yet
    to               be captured
    which describes a mixture
                       of the irrefutable
    and the sublime: a pastiche
    of belief             crowned
    with violent
    laughter)

         i
    never said           i
    could forget to dream.
    rather, the veins in my wrists reveal
    an inner sanctum               of worry—
                            of melancholic
                            breathing.

    the taste
    of turquoise at sunset
    — bare feet          on crushed clover
    my only religion—
    (numbers    patterns     logic:
                  a faint wrinkle
           to iron out

    precariously.


    truth
    and all i mentioned yesterday
    in my sleep.




    Submitted on 2009-06-15 07:09:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I loved this, riddles laden with cryptic utterances yet relevatory in their unfolding. As i said your abstract ways of saying things always grafts great beauty to your works, problem is that most times others cannot grasp these inner revelations and the work often seems more beautiful to the author than the audience, well sometimes atleast. This was amazing and as i say i can learn alot from your expressive format. This was awesome and i definitely loved it to the max!

    :-)

    -Svw
    | Posted on 2009-09-13 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      When the soul has no energy for explanations, it's likely that no explanation will suffice precisely because such underlying meanings aren't built into the initial draft. Consequently, the bulk of the work will be very opaque because the desire to create over rode the sense to wait and recharge the batteries.

    But isn't that what poetry often is, something open to interpretation?

    Just my inane babble.
    | Posted on 2009-06-16 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      ergo, these are my own philosophies given room to breathe. twenty seven because i'm twenty seven years old. this layout, because i'm scattered. diaspora and clutching because it's all so push and pull: these dynamics of life, how my life is right now. and truth: something only found in sleep as i continue to deny myself...

    i could go on.
    but i'm too tired.
    and i hate explaining myself.
    | Posted on 2009-06-15 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I need help from the poet on this one. What are you trying to achieve with your lay out of the words?

    What is the connection between your title ("ergo" = therefore) and the poem?

    What in fact in simple prose are you saying?

    I'm really not trying to be critical or in any way unpleasant. I find that I like the feel of your poem immensely, but the sense eludes me.
    Why 27 reasons precisely?

    Why is something crowned with violent laughter?

    I'm a simple soul. I need to know these things.

    My only constructive comment at the moment in my state of incomplete comprehension is that the word "diaspora" doesn't go too well with "clutching". Diaspora is a dispersal and clutching is the opposite idea.

    Get back with some elucidation please.
    | Posted on 2009-06-15 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]


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