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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Time dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dreamer5009
    ASL Info:    16, Male, USA
    Elite Ratio:    5.02 - 73/53/28
    Words: 60
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 865
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 387



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTime dots
    -------------------------------------------


    The gentle sound of a clock
    the so soft 'tic, toc'
    alerts us of a crime
    and that is, time

    Time is evil
    making an upheaval
    making us old
    or so I've been told

    It robs us of moments dear
    moments, to the heart, so near
    I can't take it anymore
    I stand and open death's door




    Submitted on 2009-06-15 20:22:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I don't agree with "Carrie" on making your work longer. Sometimes getting your point across in a long drawn out poem can get lost and your work is completely misjudged. You don't want to lose your readers, you want to keep them on the edge. I like your style kiddo...short, bitter-sweet, and to the goddamn point! I have to pass up so many poems because they are too long and have too many topics in them to critique on. So rarely do I even get a chance to critique because I get too disgusted with nothing but ramblings with no thought or work put into it. You pick and chose your words carefully and place them in an order you see fit. Now that is art in word form.
    Good job.

    jessa
    | Posted on 2009-08-30 00:00:00 | by Jessa | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice work. I like the first stanza the best. Just some friendly advice, maybe instead of writing so many little poems you could write one long one? Anyway.

    ~Carrie
    | Posted on 2009-06-16 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
      lets me go through it!
    anything is better than seeing you get tore apart by someone you thought you could trust.
    you are an amazing poet and an amazing friend.thank you for being there.
    rachel:)
    | Posted on 2009-06-15 00:00:00 | by PopRocksRae | [ Reply to This ]


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