how familiar the quiet can become
how cold and empty one's chest can feel.
to think thoughts rampant of dreams and wishes
o, the woe of feeling alone
even whilst among the living, the breathing, and the like.
the like who, like me, think thoughts of equal measure
or at least one can assume.
how sad and heavy i've been.
in my early wake of passing days
no comfort has yet to come.
more and more i yearn for the cleanest embrace
cleanest in the sense of purity and trust and utter match.
and tell me this,
what has been expected of a man in recent days?
complete denial and refusal of any form of public emotion.
are we all bound to the silent law of keeping ourselves from connecting with our own breathing. no man or woman can deny the thwart and trembling we undergo when under the fire of enemies and their vile thoughts of selfishness.
we all are our worst enemy.
if we were to combat against a doppelganger, a copy,
we would surely die.
we know our own weaknesses, faults, and deadliest secrets.
how i so greatly wish for peace, among more gruesome things.
peace of no, not mind, but of heart.
Away with you, beating disease!
For you've brought more pain than comfort
More tears have fallen from my cheek than I would like to count.
More silent words transferred into the click and clack of machines, drowned within efforts of replacement.
"To replace what?" you ask
Or more appropriately..."who"
But neither myself nor my other is innocent of any tales of heartache we've heard.
Although the world is new, the trials of a man and woman in love remain the same. Or more appropriately, I should express that this man is silently alone in his infatuation.
I have been up to nothing good.
Distraction and illusions born of my own mind keep me awake at night.
The nightmares I have spoken of are of absolute truth.
The plagues of my mind, despite the disposition of my practiced composure, keep me in such a pathetic state.
I am no longer asking for you, my love.
I let you go, and now regret the disposal of the key you gave me years ago.
The key to your most precious chest.
The one that thumps and pumps, the one that I know, even now, so well.
There will be strangers now, making there way in and out, of the place I knew as my home once.
And the only fool is Me.
The only one sitting in darkness is Me.
The only one hating my own acts is Me.
O heavenly Father,
where is my direction?
Where is my solid foothold?
Where is my release from the greys and aches that choke my soul?
I have grown too tired of this
As if a womb were in my mind and I were the father of inadequacy
And every word I spoke gave birth to only more and more disappointment.
How I always have kept secret this feeling in my body
This cancer that has eaten at my nerves and crippled my spirit
these are more of the truer words I have bleeded out
You may say, that I am this, and I am that...
You may believe that I've a mind full of nonsense and deranged things,
But I truly think that it is the ignorant who are the worst.
And we are ALL the worst.
I know all of what I am
And always aim to better myself
but solely for reaching it to heaven one day
say what you will, followers of the others, but I am and will always remain steadfast within my own belief.
I want to know a better place than this.
My muse is she.
I sought after her,
I found her,
I lost her,
I betrayed her,
I loved her.
And now I am left to confess to a world with no ears
And land full of voices.
How I despise the woes of heartache
But we all reap what we sow,
And my peace will not come from this place,
not from this world.
Submission Name: The Tale Of A Love Lost
