Description: i think i could make this flow better, not sure what to do.
live and burn -------------------------------------------
Another soul trying to earn
Knotted up we twist and turn
on this earth you live and you burn
Claustrophobic trapped in an urn
agoraphobic ashes spread in the sea
stuck in fear eternally
time to retire
stack the funeral pyre
dont ask why all men die
all men try
to reach the sky
we aspire to climb higher than we are
and see how far the mountain reaches
for when we conquer ourselves
thats when life teaches
time to rest
call it a day
bodies huddled round the bed
with kind things to say
but when the dead were living
not all were so forgiving
when one is dead
what's left unsaid is buried or lost
at what cost?
years of frustration
and confusion
one more conversation
even if it's an illusion
why do we go?
God only knows
don't rush to see
it might not be what
you want to see
live free
die old
don't always do what you're told
behold the life before you
and when the day's through
smile for me
because i can't see you again
I don't know if or when I will
so live for others and sleep well
beneath the covers
i think it's cool man. I see what you mean about like in some areas the flow is a little off. But other than maybe replacing a few words or adding a few extra to keep that flow rolling I think it's hot.
It has a feel of old wisdom to it kind of like. I'm the master your the pupil lemme tell ya what it's about kind of thing.
I always liked that kind of stance in writing so i dunno... it works for me.
Submission Name: live and burn
