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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Never the momentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: freeangel
    ASL Info:    22/female/bournemouth
    Elite Ratio:    3.59 - 87/117/109
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 84
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 837



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNever the momentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It was never the way
    Never the time
    Never the moment to say it.
    As shadows crossed through you,
    and waves battered your frail body,
    I could not take away…remove,
    you know. You do.

    Floating on notes, caught in the beads
    of nature’s breath, we sat and locked eyes.
    Your tempest revealed itself to be a murky one.
    One I loved to wade into,
    time and time again.
    Just about keeping my head above the water.
    Escaping death by an inch.

    You led me to a pit laced with fireflies,
    spiked with hidden piranha bits…
    saturated with the others you
    Led down your path.
    Into your den.
    Into the pit.

    It was never the time,
    Never the moment to say it,
    So I won’t.




    Submitted on 2009-06-20 11:48:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oh, I really like the new darker direction your writing is taking! Gritty and more succinct without loosing that ethereal quality you do so well.

    This brings to mind a lovers purgatory; sinister, treacherous and absolutely no guarantees but we do it anyway.

    As I was reading it I really thought it was going to end as Raphaels did but I like that you didn't. The character is totally willing to wade into the depths for love but still holds a little something back for herself. Very you m'dear!

    Love it, infact I'm fav'ing it.

    Well done!

    xx
    | Posted on 2009-06-23 00:00:00 | by EllusiveEmber | [ Reply to This ]
      Feck it I thought I'd see what you think before anymore snide comments come in. See what you think, I just saw something in your poem and wanted to show you how I had it in my head. No insult meant whatsoever.

    -Craig
    | Posted on 2009-06-21 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      I never had the time
    could never find the right moment to say
    I saw a shadow fall down
    and the ocean washing over your frail body.
    There was nothing I could do, so removed,
    with your body bashing against the rocks,
    you know that don't you?

    you do

    Your rosary, caught in the beads,
    the sweat of nature, wandering
    I found your searching eyes.
    Your tempest revealed itself to be a murky one,
    a dream I could wade into,
    time and time again,
    Just to keep my head
    above water.

    But you led me up the garden path
    tracers falling like fireflies,
    through shallow depths
    amidst lurking piranha fish.

    Not even the first to follow you
    into your den,
    that dangerous pit-fall.

    But it was never the time,
    never the right moment to say it,
    so I went,
    willingly.

    | Posted on 2009-06-21 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm did that guy just ask to re-write your poem? Wow man people really can get lost in themselves.

    Great poem. I love the imagery. It was fresh and thats what really makes me take notice of things. Fresh uses of words and descriptions.

    Peace,

    Fizz
    | Posted on 2009-06-21 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      Think of it like a song cover
    | Posted on 2009-06-20 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      Listen, I think this is really good, excellent in fact. But could you let me do something as a favour to me. Can I re-write it for you? You could keep and do what you like with the results, I know it may sound patronising or something, your post is good enough as it is, but I think you'd like to see this.

    maybe?

    -Craig
    | Posted on 2009-06-20 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]



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