I think it's quite interesting just the way it is. Looking into the shadow of God I think is perfect, because when in Gods presence you would be kneeled before him looking at his feet, not his eyes. So the way you said it gives it a more realistic feel rather than a "lets see how I can make this sound sweet" kinda vibe.
what I think is really interesting is your halo being guarded by the ones that want to make you think you're not you...because in my opinion, the only person that can do that is you.. so I picture this as your own inner demons trying to convince you that you're not good enough to wear your halo.
Anyway...so there's MY rambles for the day
Miss ya buddy
Hey i liked this for it's unique factor and the sweet controvesy contained within. This would make a brilliant intro to a dark novel about some angel battling for absolution having lost it to the infernal pits of hell or something to the like. Think: Requiem avenging angel type of thoughts haha. Interesting read, thanks for sharing.
nice idea. I had some thoughts that might give this more impact, you may or may not agree with my suggestions.
I would substitute "eyes" for shadow because looking into a shadow doesn't get you anywhere and it seems to me you are talking about a reflection more than a shadow....of course if i'm wrong about that perhaps the substitution doesn't work.
I find myself looking
into the [eyes] of god
I think the 'being' can be deleted, it's unneccessary, although it could make for an interesting double entendre...
My halo is underground [being]
guarded by those
that want to make me think Iím not me
I enjoyed it, thanks for putting up with my 'toying' with it.~chris