Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ramblesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: armand
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 1173/1189/206
    Words: 28
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 785
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 162



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsramblesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I find myself looking into the shadow of god
    My halo? well it's underground
    being guarded my those that want to
    make me think im not me




    Submitted on 2009-06-20 19:51:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think it's quite interesting just the way it is. Looking into the shadow of God I think is perfect, because when in Gods presence you would be kneeled before him looking at his feet, not his eyes. So the way you said it gives it a more realistic feel rather than a "lets see how I can make this sound sweet" kinda vibe.

    what I think is really interesting is your halo being guarded by the ones that want to make you think you're not you...because in my opinion, the only person that can do that is you.. so I picture this as your own inner demons trying to convince you that you're not good enough to wear your halo.

    Anyway...so there's MY rambles for the day
    Miss ya buddy
    | Posted on 2010-04-09 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey i liked this for it's unique factor and the sweet controvesy contained within. This would make a brilliant intro to a dark novel about some angel battling for absolution having lost it to the infernal pits of hell or something to the like. Think: Requiem avenging angel type of thoughts haha. Interesting read, thanks for sharing.

    -Svw
    | Posted on 2009-10-05 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      nice idea. I had some thoughts that might give this more impact, you may or may not agree with my suggestions.
    I would substitute "eyes" for shadow because looking into a shadow doesn't get you anywhere and it seems to me you are talking about a reflection more than a shadow....of course if i'm wrong about that perhaps the substitution doesn't work.

    I find myself looking
    into the [eyes] of god

    I think the 'being' can be deleted, it's unneccessary, although it could make for an interesting double entendre...

    My halo is underground [being]
    guarded by those
    that want to make me think Iím not me

    I enjoyed it, thanks for putting up with my 'toying' with it.~chris

    | Posted on 2009-09-19 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    175743

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    This written by Chelebel
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Bond written by saartha
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Incubus written by monad
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry