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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Burial Analysisdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Crestfallenman
    ASL Info:    21/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.72 - 603/832/351
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 96
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1093



    Description:
       Say I am sick,

    You don't even know what sick means.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBurial Analysisdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rank of formaldehyde bearing upon my nostrils,
    Such love it is to become of these mortals.
    The blind eyes resting upon the seeds of caskets,
    Until we are all lugging our own guts in baskets.

    Ropes tied to rafters, kick the stand we stay,
    Snapping our necks to seal future coming days.
    Or painting our brains on walls is far better,
    To ease upon the paintings of our suicidal letters.

    Death entrance, a defeat, capable of pain,
    Swallowing pills deeply, bullets left to maim.
    Our common season of prey,
    Meets our end upon our final resting day.

    Now six feet under,
    Without reason of wonder,
    We hinder in the dark dark hell,
    That is too discomforting for show and tell.

    Am I sick, yes, further beyond my reach,
    So sick it voids any psychiatric schooling to teach.
    Pulling plugs, watching catastrophic terror,
    Witnessing the misuse in life's common errors.

    It all falls back,
    To work that I love so well.




    Submitted on 2009-06-24 21:49:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey There,

    Long time no seen or mabye I haven't been on a long time now.

    I loved it.... Every single word of it.... I don't care whether it's music to my ears or not.... I can picture every word you're describing and I like visualizing words. So if I can see what you're talking about, it's awesome to me.

    I think your words are very vivid. It keeps the mind running. You've got people reading without even knowing that they're still reading it until the very end. Some writes drag and you can feel it when it drags. Others like yours flow so fast, you got to wonder where it went.

    I like the idea of lugging our own guts in baskets and painting our brains on walls rather than painting on suicidal letters.

    So my only question is.... is that really where you work????

    Anyhow, nice work. I loved it. I'm faving it!!!!

    Take care... Irina
    | Posted on 2009-06-25 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      Crestfallenman, rhyming does not a poet make!What you have here is prose rhymed. Poetry is of musical rhythms that please the eyes, ears and mind of the reader. Rhyming is a useful tool with which a poet can enhance his work. Try writing your words to a simple dit dah pattern for practise by choosing words to give you that effect. eg:- WHAT you SAY must SOUND as MUsic TO anOTHers Ears. (CAPS are stress, Lower case are unstresses.) It takes a little time but go man go! Ted.
    | Posted on 2009-06-25 00:00:00 | by edcherry | [ Reply to This ]


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