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Mouse Droppings (Cinquain)

Author: Cloacina
ASL Info:    25/F/KY
Elite Ratio:    5.24 - 20 /53 /54
Words: 81
Class/Type: Poetry /Venting
Total Views: 881
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 185


Attempt at a Cinquain because I am bored. There are diff. ways to do one, but the idea of this one is noun, two adjectives, three verbs, a phrase, and something to refer back to the noun, or to rename it. I should prob. mention Mouse has exrra meaning here because it was my dad's nickname- and he hated it.

Mouse Droppings (Cinquain)

small, quiet
hiding, running, gnawing
you left your shit for Mother to clean up

Submitted on 2009-06-26 17:10:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Oh, and I hadn't even realized that father isn't capitalized---feminism ftw!
| Posted on 2009-06-27 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ]
  Interesting. The last word is a total clincher, for me at least. For mother to clean up father. The mix of verbal aspect too, shifting from imperfect to perfect, heightens the absence and its residue. And brilliant that this residue is structurally not small and quiet, but marks the very climax of the piece, and screams itself through the use of profane language. I see resentment and revenge taking triangular form in this poem: mother against father (nickname-mouse); father against mother (the [censored] leaving); voice against father (the use of the nickname and the poem's tone). What's missing, and it seems to be missing meaningfully, is the relation of father to poet, voice who knows he/she is a little mouse, who must clean up the [censored] with mother, who must comprehend the disturbing implications of such a metaphor. . .and live with them. It's a great cinquain. Be bored more often!
| Posted on 2009-06-27 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ]

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