Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Things fall Apartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PiperH
    ASL Info:    17, F, Georgia
    Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 253/299/172
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 715
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 700



    Description:
       i don't know... i'm still just trying t come up with something good, but it's always coming out forced. i need some advice.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThings fall Apartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Things fall apart
    Words crumble, hearts break
    You thought you could forget
    But it was more than you could take
    Things are forgotten
    People are left, and ignored
    Life isnít what we imagine
    Sometimes, we yearn for more
    Sorry doesnít cut it
    Our hearts hold onto pain
    We struggle to understand it
    And humor struggles to entertain
    Because light doesnít come
    To those who sit in the dark
    Waiting for the answers
    Without trying to take a part
    In discovering what is out there
    Without trying to find some glue
    For the many little pieces
    That were once attached to you




    Submitted on 2009-06-26 22:55:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this ... I can relate as I am sure many can here is my favorite part

    And humor struggles to entertain
    Because light doesnít come
    To those who sit in the dark

    The comparison of Light and Dark although its obvious what their differences are you put it into different term ... very well done
    | Posted on 2009-06-30 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]
      

    I happen to think this is a fairly riveting piece and it does have great potential. I reckon that if you broke this into stanzas and added some punctuation you would get something way better and therefore more powerful, too boot. Also, I would suggest to avoid being too obvious and leave something that can be open for interpretation.

    I guess, that the beauty of poetry lies in the fact that people can have their on take on a piece whenever this allows you to, in my book.

    I did relish the lines such as "And humor struggles to entertain" I completely relate to that line particularly from where I'm standing.

    That's about it
    Take care

    Ethan
    | Posted on 2009-06-28 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    175922

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry