Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Things fall Apart


Author: PiperH
ASL Info:    17, F, Georgia
Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 253 /299 /172
Words: 102
Class/Type: Poetry /Being a Teen
Total Views: 783
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 706



Description:


i don't know... i'm still just trying t come up with something good, but it's always coming out forced. i need some advice.


Things fall Apart



Things fall apart
Words crumble, hearts break
You thought you could forget
But it was more than you could take
Things are forgotten
People are left, and ignored
Life isn’t what we imagine
Sometimes, we yearn for more
Sorry doesn’t cut it
Our hearts hold onto pain
We struggle to understand it
And humor struggles to entertain
Because light doesn’t come
To those who sit in the dark
Waiting for the answers
Without trying to take a part
In discovering what is out there
Without trying to find some glue
For the many little pieces
That were once attached to you




Submitted on 2009-06-26 22:55:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I like this ... I can relate as I am sure many can here is my favorite part

And humor struggles to entertain
Because light doesn’t come
To those who sit in the dark

The comparison of Light and Dark although its obvious what their differences are you put it into different term ... very well done
| Posted on 2009-06-30 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]
  

I happen to think this is a fairly riveting piece and it does have great potential. I reckon that if you broke this into stanzas and added some punctuation you would get something way better and therefore more powerful, too boot. Also, I would suggest to avoid being too obvious and leave something that can be open for interpretation.

I guess, that the beauty of poetry lies in the fact that people can have their on take on a piece whenever this allows you to, in my book.

I did relish the lines such as "And humor struggles to entertain" I completely relate to that line particularly from where I'm standing.

That's about it
Take care

Ethan
| Posted on 2009-06-28 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



175922