[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: My dear friend...part twodots

    Author: LiChan
    ASL Info:    18/f/in my reality
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 9/6/12
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 460
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 421

       These past two poems are of course about a good friend of mine who is in the navy. they aren't very well writin but I just needed to let it out. If you can see anything to help with the flow of the lines, please tell me. And please give me an overall assesment of the poem. Thank you

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy dear friend...part twodots

    I miss him the one over states
    Quiet far away, how far I can't say
    I want to see him the day draws near
    the fourth of July the day is marked
    I only hope that he really does come
    He is my best friend the one I care for
    But with no place to go
    He is now in the navy
    His face is raggied, he is growing thin
    But his spirit goes on
    It will live within

    Submitted on 2009-06-27 22:52:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Every..... written by jackz
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]