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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Utterly ashamed and alonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Paradox
    ASL Info:    33/m/Earthbound
    Elite Ratio:    4.58 - 1055/435/90
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 795
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 779



    Description:
       Abandon all hope!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUtterly ashamed and alonedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I found beauty in a convenience store
    Hidden in a corner, passed out on a shelf
    Totally subdued by volatile substances
    Exposing flesh
    I instantly recognized the barcode
    Tattooed on the back of her neck
    The price was right
    So I tried to put her in my shopping cart
    There was not enough room for her
    And she just wouldn't wake up
    Maybe screaming would have made her move
    But the store policy implied absolute silence
    I started poking her and pulling on her hair
    The surveillance cameras caught me
    And a salesman arrived, to inform me
    That no tampering with the goods was allowed
    I abandoned her and quickly left the store
    Utterly ashamed and alone




    Submitted on 2009-06-29 15:25:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You should always pick top-shelf stuff, Oh sorry your only 3ft 2in. tall, even in the saddle. LOL
    | Posted on 2013-08-02 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]
      couldnt stop reading cause i wanted to know what happened..i like your origional approach. will be reading more:p
    | Posted on 2012-11-30 00:00:00 | by nosferotu_gurl | [ Reply to This ]
      first of all, thanks for the comments on "green" and yes, this is a different approach...but so so clever...i love the use of the convenient store as local for what happens in the poem...excellent analogy...
    and then getting kicked out of the store for tampering with the goods...lol

    this makes me want to read more of your work, and i shall...immediately...

    peace

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-07-03 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Haha..I like it. Its original, kind of dark, and humorous. It seems like you just let it flow from you. Sweetness.

    Thor
    | Posted on 2010-01-25 00:00:00 | by Midnight_Toker | [ Reply to This ]
      i found this intriguing and original, almost comic in a way, yet sad for obvious reasons. to buy love from a shelf, or even something approaching it, cannot be done... as of yet, until those personal robot manufacturers in japan start upping the ante... but i digress.

    it seems many can't read between the lines here...
    | Posted on 2009-07-07 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree.
    this poem although has it strong points loses me at soem point.
    i liked it but i wish i could understand it more.
    like you said my 2 cents,
    rachel:)
    | Posted on 2009-07-05 00:00:00 | by PopRocksRae | [ Reply to This ]
      What on earth were you shopping for?

    Good write, I love the way you described the whole expiriance, and I love the line about the barcode.

    =] ~Carrie
    | Posted on 2009-07-05 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
      mmm interesting.. umm I'm not sure what you are implying here. You've left me wondering what exactly you are writing about... mmm everything fits at first it didn't seem like it was going to but I get it all. Just not aware of the underline meaning

    Jackz
    | Posted on 2009-07-05 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]


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