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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fufillingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlueTorcher
    Elite Ratio:    5.82 - 73/57/63
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 63
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 695



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFufillingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Arms out
    Stretched to pain
    Feet braced
    Weight on palms

    Eyes shut tight
    Hands together
    Speared at end
    Body arced
    Legs long

    Being taunt and tight
    Slightly swaying
    Cold air crashes
    Water divides

    Limbs cutting
    Pushing back
    Flailing about
    Catching breath

    Swallowing, burning, aching
    Up, down, up again
    Surface breaks
    Prisoner no more

    Right, left
    Right, left
    Right

    Reachs, pulls
    Up ya' go
    Out no longer in
    Walking away
    Goal accomplished




    Submitted on 2009-06-29 22:06:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This poem is unique, but upon reading it I found the whole layout of it to be a bit choppy. There's not much rhythm, really, which I think could do a poem like this a lot of good since the lines are very short and obviously deliberate.

    I also didn't really like the use of 'swallowing' in this poem because it didn't quite fit in with the rest of the language and flow in the other stanzas.

    You write well, I would just suggest you try and organize this one a bit to make its flow as impressive as its meaning.
    | Posted on 2009-10-18 00:00:00 | by awastedsky | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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