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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: How I have loved youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blueorchids
    ASL Info:    30/F/California
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 1096/928/91
    Words: 307
    Class/Type: Prose/Love
    Total Views: 1030
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2012



    Description:
       amaranths and chrysanthemums are the same flower, different name. really rough - pounded this out in 30 minutes. thoughts, concerns, suggestions all welcome.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHow I have loved youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Amaranths,
    Hastily wrapped in store-bought plastic,
    tenderly beribboned with my only blue silk tie –
    Amaranths and heavy meanings
    I leave conspicuously on your windowsill;
    nothing given to chance and rueful mistakes.
    Amaranths,
    all that I would have you know,
    Hoping you’ll remember …

    Please, please say you remember …

    ... the chrysanthemum –
    Growing unchecked, covert in your garden
    To finally blanket the expensive designer rock
    at thirty dollars per pound –
    with profound declarations you say
    the chrysanthemum
    you would not cut for the wide world.
    For the wide words each blossom screams
    Is a wide word you want to scream to me,
    Even on Wednesdays when I am impossible to please.

    So please, please remember when I leave
    Amaranths on the green sill beside the red door
    Taking 27 lungfuls to breathe
    traversing the 32 steps up from the street …
    64 all together that I would climb again
    And again
    Just to have you remember …

    What an unused place setting never says,
    What sweet release you hold but no longer bestow,
    What a coward’s gift cannot contain,
    What hollow sleepless eyes do not show …

    And when one day you return from the wide world
    When all your adventures without me are done and through
    When you spy the Amaranths,
    Delicate and dear,
    Tiny and tremulous in the breeze,
    Each blossom screaming all that I’ve ever wanted to scream at you …

    Please, please, remember how I have loved you:
    your memory wrapped in my love
    my fate tied up with your love
    Loving where others have only misunderstood
    Loving when love seemed unsuited to the terrain
    Loving how you have dreamed of being loved
    Amaranths – everlasting.
    In love with you I remain.




    Submitted on 2009-06-30 01:08:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      it seems to me that what goes down quickly will often capture the essential essence of what you are trying to say and, if you are fortunate to be as eloquent as someone like blueorchids then i suppose the result is for the main part entirely satisfactory.

    a sort of benign tourette's or an outbreak of literary jackson pollocks...

    this then though is another example of what i think you do so well: a sort of breathless wistfulnes. the immediacy of your jottings rather underpins that idea and this alone is good enough reason to read this over.

    i know that you can be an awful lot more thoughtful and can do chin-stroking with the best of us. but i like this botanical gut-spilling too. it mirrors how lots of us have felt at some time in our lives: that aching need to hold and be told.

    always a pleasure; never a chore...

    take it easy g,

    k
    | Posted on 2009-07-08 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      Very skillfully put together. Your description and powers of expression are first rate.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2009-07-02 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      the lack of responses to this disappoints me.
    the truth exhibited in this is purely spoken and passionate. wild. floating. yet intense.

    this made me shiver.

    27, 32, 64... mysterious numbers.
    but with stories behind them, i'm sure...

    this is tremulous, as you say...
    i love the sound and meaning of that word.


    | Posted on 2009-07-01 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]


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