[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Peanutdots

    Author: Localfreak
    ASL Info:    37, Maybe, Here
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 131/123/76
    Words: 201
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1233
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1732

       Just something.
    Nobody has really got from this what I intended when I wrote it.
    Any opinions of what it means would be appreciated.
    Any ideas on how to make it more n tune with the reader without being too obvious even more so

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Stood in the middle of an open field
    Blossoming towards stark depths of night
    Wistful of treasures that lay ahead
    In a lovers embrace, entwined

    Thoughts cast not backwards but towards time ahead
    Of crisp linen sheets upon an oversized bed
    Of waking each morning to an innocent smile
    To a heaven attached to life

    Wistfulness has its price.

         Life goes on, within even open fields
         Clouds darken the clarity of moonlight
         And blossoms fall to earth
         Future becomes present and present the past.

    And plans can be missed

    Knelt in the middle of an open field
    Grasping at roots and raising them up
    Desperate to grow back yesterday
    To nurture a family gone

    Thoughts grasp at memories that never were
    Times not spent here but encompassed in an embrace
    Where flesh, now taught and weathered, is strong
    And heaven meant pleasure not death

    All things cease eventually

         Time passes, for everyone everywhere.
         Skies darken and lights snuff out
         Figures fall and fade
         today becomes yesterday, tomorrow today

    And so it ends

    Why must we spend our time in open fields?

    Submitted on 2009-06-30 04:32:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      So, you want my understanding of what u wrote huh? It changed around the 3rd stanza, so I will start from the beginning and work my way down.
    In the beginning, it seems to me that its about wishing for good, but forever seeing the possibility of bad. The 2nd stanza is my favorite. Thinking of just how great “good times” can be. And then comes my favorite line: “To a heaven attached to life”. I cant really explain…why I love that line that much…clearly anyway…moving along…all the hoping and yearning does have a price, and one of them is the time it wastes or the time that escapes. All the time planning and all the while missing out…never able to actually move on those plans because well…you’ve got to spend that time planning as well. What puzzles me is the embrace…it makes me think, that you are passing this time with someone you love, and then comes the line, “thoughts grasp at memories that never were”….all of me (as opposed to part of me) wants to think that this means that you and the person you love together…reminisce on what could’ve been…those memories that could have been had, if planning hadn’t sent all that time away. And then comes that last line…which makes me think I didn’t get it at all….how far off am I?
    | Posted on 2009-07-10 00:00:00 | by inkonspikuous | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]