Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Getting Bitdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: insanegemini
    ASL Info:    18/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    2.33 - 24/50/56
    Words: 188
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 478
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1236



    Description:
       so cheesy but what can i say :)

    so i wrote this god probably like a year or two ago, i'm still with the guy that it is about, and when i read this it brings a smile to my face


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGetting Bitdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You're the electric pulse
    That makes my heart beat

    You're the green grass
    That tickles my feet

    You're the sunshine
    That makes me feel warm and soft

    You're the fire
    That melts away the frost

    Names need not be said
    As you lay next to me
    On this soft bed
    My cheeks blushing red
    Smiles glowing bright

    Please don't leave my sight
    You bring such delight

    You're the candle light
    That lets me see
    How wonderful things can be
    Flying high and free
    You're my wings
    That lifts me high in the sky

    Your touch so gentle
    It drives me mental
    The look on your face
    Knits lace
    Butterflies in my stomach

    You know who you are
    In my mind you never too far
    As we lay
    Let me just say
    Those three words
    That we both know too well

    Oh hell
    I've been bit
    So hard
    But I see no reason to throw a fit
    Just play the card
    In hopes I don't have to hit
    That bug into shards




    Submitted on 2009-06-30 16:49:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What's cheesy about this? I thought it sweet with a funny twist at the end. Only one thing I'm not sure about and that is the spacing in between the lines, but that is only my opinion. What does everyone else think?
    | Posted on 2009-07-01 00:00:00 | by ModestyB | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    176021

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry