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I've come to face the way your distaste for me Will forever lead us to hastefully do away with we But, in a way it seems, this may just be A way to break away from the game that we Brought ourselves into And, now, we caught our thoughts up in what we bought into So, we fought for loss and all is nought, our one becomes two This evisceration gets me twisted and the complications Ripple ever outward, an' in a cowardly way you act sour to me And, if I better now word my thoughts, it'll be the power I seek 'Cause without my prowess, you're powerless Tryna find out just how to get fixed Though you resent me for it, I'm better for it You severed everything and I'm not bent over it |
Well, It rhymes pretty well. But I believe in your case your rhyme scheme hinders the over all message of this work. Things just get a little clunky. With a little revision you could really turn this out. Also, perhaps try a different formatting to make it a little easier to read.| Posted on 2009-07-02 00:00:00 | by jayisademon | [ Reply to This ] | |