Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I'll benefit from anything.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MyWorld
    ASL Info:    21/M/IN
    Elite Ratio:    3.3 - 76/99/87
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 513
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 809



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI'll benefit from anything.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I've come to face the way your distaste for me
    Will forever lead us to hastefully do away with we
    But, in a way it seems, this may just be
    A way to break away from the game that we
    Brought ourselves into
    And, now, we caught our thoughts up in what we bought into
    So, we fought for loss and all is nought, our one becomes two
    This evisceration gets me twisted and the complications
    Ripple ever outward, an' in a cowardly way you act sour to me
    And, if I better now word my thoughts, it'll be the power I seek
    'Cause without my prowess, you're powerless
    Tryna find out just how to get fixed
    Though you resent me for it, I'm better for it
    You severed everything and I'm not bent over it




    Submitted on 2009-07-01 03:13:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well, It rhymes pretty well. But I believe in your case your rhyme scheme hinders the over all message of this work. Things just get a little clunky. With a little revision you could really turn this out. Also, perhaps try a different formatting to make it a little easier to read.
    | Posted on 2009-07-02 00:00:00 | by jayisademon | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    176035

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Shi written by ShyOne
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry