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    dots Submission Name: I'll benefit from anything.dots

    Author: MyWorld
    ASL Info:    21/M/IN
    Elite Ratio:    3.3 - 76/99/87
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 651
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 809


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI'll benefit from anything.dots

    I've come to face the way your distaste for me
    Will forever lead us to hastefully do away with we
    But, in a way it seems, this may just be
    A way to break away from the game that we
    Brought ourselves into
    And, now, we caught our thoughts up in what we bought into
    So, we fought for loss and all is nought, our one becomes two
    This evisceration gets me twisted and the complications
    Ripple ever outward, an' in a cowardly way you act sour to me
    And, if I better now word my thoughts, it'll be the power I seek
    'Cause without my prowess, you're powerless
    Tryna find out just how to get fixed
    Though you resent me for it, I'm better for it
    You severed everything and I'm not bent over it

    Submitted on 2009-07-01 03:13:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well, It rhymes pretty well. But I believe in your case your rhyme scheme hinders the over all message of this work. Things just get a little clunky. With a little revision you could really turn this out. Also, perhaps try a different formatting to make it a little easier to read.
    | Posted on 2009-07-02 00:00:00 | by jayisademon | [ Reply to This ]

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