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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Self imagedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Scaredheart
    ASL Info:    15/ Female/ NC
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 92/62/50
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 59
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 967



    Description:
       Eh, something I'm working on. Just a lil' thing.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSelf imagedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your so tired of trying to hide,
    Threw with this life style.
    Your tired of looking at that square on the wall,
    and feeling your skin crawl.

    You hate that face you make,
    when your taking a shower.
    You despise that feeling you get,
    when you see your own reflection.

    You want to take it all,
    and throw it down the drain.
    You want to take it off,
    this skin you maintain.

    You see your self,
    with a twisted views.
    You touch your skin,
    with knife's and blood dew.

    You rip away,
    from this place.
    Your hair is standing on end,
    as you start over again.

    Your cursing god,
    for letting you lie.
    Your rushing past,
    the face in the mirror.

    You have such a twisted view,
    of your own skin.
    You want to kill it off,
    this thing you keep within.




    Submitted on 2009-07-01 15:53:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It's nice and dark but walks a fine line between angst poetry and something beeter. I can't decide, your writing is strong enough but you seem to revel in your own misery throughout, and you are over-dramatic in places. Therefore it's hard for the reader to take it seriously. But if it was ficticious I suppose your on the right track just...if not, I think you need to work on using your negative emotions with more subtlety, you should delve deeper and avoid saying anything cliché. Heres a poem by someone who ran with your concept of mirrors:





    I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
    Whatever I see I swallow immediately
    Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
    I am not cruel, only truthful-
    The eye of the little god, four cornered.
    Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
    It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
    I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.
    Faces and darkness separate us over and over.
    Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,
    Searching my reaches for what she really is.
    Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
    I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
    She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
    I am important to her. She comes and goes.
    Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
    In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
    Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.


    -Sylvia Plath





    If you read that you can teel shes being honest with herself, shes not creating demons that arent there, she makes the depression real and rellative to the reader.

    I think your words lacked that kind of resonance but overall you constructed your post thoughtfully. Keep at it.

    -Craig
    | Posted on 2009-07-02 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]


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