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    dots Submission Name: Doll Housedots

    Author: Kykaru
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Minnesota
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 4/3/4
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 619
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1110


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    dotsDoll Housedots

    Eyes so wide and hypnotized,
    bare skin entangled on the bed.
    She sits like a doll..
    He pushes her..
    He lies to her..
    He tells her he loves her...
    but its a lie.
    its a lie,
    ..theres no truth behinde his eyes.

    She wants to run away,
    and forget every word he ever said.
    She know's she's just a doll in her own life.
    Run Run away...break the porcilen outside shell.
    Run, Run away..Find the heart that lies within.

    She keeps sitting on that bed..
    Like a doll she just sighs and stares.
    He hits her, he burises her...but nobody knows;
    nobody cares, just a doll

    She wants to run away,
    and forget every word he ever said.
    She know's she's just a doll in her own life
    Run Run away...break the proceline outside shell.
    Run, Run away...find the heart that lies within.

    She runs through the doorway.
    Pulling off the doll outside,
    to see the one within.
    She takes a match to the dollhouse.

    Submitted on 2009-07-01 16:48:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This reminds me of the Pink song "Funhouse" (don't judge me; I have two younger sisters into pop. ) and of my own feelings of being a doll on display for associates and elders. It sucks to be a porcelain display, as anyone knows. (I actually wrote a poem, "The Anti-Doll (Evanesce) about it too .)
    This poem is repetitive, but there are good ideas and definite feelings behind it. The ending is the best part, simple and cutting. With a bit of cleaning up, characterization, elaboration, and SpellCheck, I'm sure that over time this will evolve into a brilliant poem.


    | Posted on 2009-07-02 00:00:00 | by Shadowstar13 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is pretty awesome, kudos's. I like how it's a story, sort of, to me it brings a image of a girl with her father or boyfriend, sitting in a bed half dressed. Being used like a tissue. A girl who wants to run, but isn't sure how, but in the end finds out. I love this, I can relate to it so well. In my own life I've been put in the same place and hated it. I think it's original in the sense of wording and manner, but the topic I've seen before. You forgot a few bit's of punctuation and capitalization, but that's about it.
    | Posted on 2009-07-02 00:00:00 | by Scaredheart | [ Reply to This ]

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