[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Doll Housedots

    Author: Kykaru
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Minnesota
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 4/3/4
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 594
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1110


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDoll Housedots

    Eyes so wide and hypnotized,
    bare skin entangled on the bed.
    She sits like a doll..
    He pushes her..
    He lies to her..
    He tells her he loves her...
    but its a lie.
    its a lie,
    ..theres no truth behinde his eyes.

    She wants to run away,
    and forget every word he ever said.
    She know's she's just a doll in her own life.
    Run Run away...break the porcilen outside shell.
    Run, Run away..Find the heart that lies within.

    She keeps sitting on that bed..
    Like a doll she just sighs and stares.
    He hits her, he burises her...but nobody knows;
    nobody cares, just a doll

    She wants to run away,
    and forget every word he ever said.
    She know's she's just a doll in her own life
    Run Run away...break the proceline outside shell.
    Run, Run away...find the heart that lies within.

    She runs through the doorway.
    Pulling off the doll outside,
    to see the one within.
    She takes a match to the dollhouse.

    Submitted on 2009-07-01 16:48:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This reminds me of the Pink song "Funhouse" (don't judge me; I have two younger sisters into pop. ) and of my own feelings of being a doll on display for associates and elders. It sucks to be a porcelain display, as anyone knows. (I actually wrote a poem, "The Anti-Doll (Evanesce) about it too .)
    This poem is repetitive, but there are good ideas and definite feelings behind it. The ending is the best part, simple and cutting. With a bit of cleaning up, characterization, elaboration, and SpellCheck, I'm sure that over time this will evolve into a brilliant poem.


    | Posted on 2009-07-02 00:00:00 | by Shadowstar13 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is pretty awesome, kudos's. I like how it's a story, sort of, to me it brings a image of a girl with her father or boyfriend, sitting in a bed half dressed. Being used like a tissue. A girl who wants to run, but isn't sure how, but in the end finds out. I love this, I can relate to it so well. In my own life I've been put in the same place and hated it. I think it's original in the sense of wording and manner, but the topic I've seen before. You forgot a few bit's of punctuation and capitalization, but that's about it.
    | Posted on 2009-07-02 00:00:00 | by Scaredheart | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    This written by Chelebel
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Linger written by saartha
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Push written by JanePlane
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    The Promise written by annie0888
    What happens written by Wolfwatching




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]