Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rape Is His Gamedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: silverpen
    ASL Info:    16/F/Right Behind You
    Elite Ratio:    3.47 - 16/34/31
    Words: 303
    Class/Type: Poetry/I hate you
    Total Views: 107
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1966



    Description:
       Yep! Sort of what happened a few months ago put into a poem. ^.^ Enjoy!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRape Is His Gamedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hey, I really love you.
    You’re my sunshine; my light.
    You break the clouds,
    Of course, you are my silver lining.
    This was coming for a while;
    Bacardi somehow became my style.
    I love you, girl.
    I want you more than the world.

    He used to be gleaming bright
    Like a little spot of smiles
    Within all this suffering.
    Used to be the thing I could say
    I was looking forward to
    At the end of the day.
    Then that all had to change.

    It wasn’t at the middle light;
    Instead, in the middle night.
    Surprises fell when the window broke
    The mumbled greeting became a choke.
    Hands, flying, bottles gleaming.
    One last whisper of a clean breath,
    As the smell of alcohol prevails.
    He says he loves her.
    He says he needs her.
    The words are stopped in her throat.
    What does he mean?
    Is this what is seems?
    Why are his hands moving there…

    Screams, muffled, in the doorway.
    His body over hers, heavy and hot
    She whispers to him, ‘Please stop.’
    The desire is too great.
    The motions of the night begin to fly
    Adrenaline pumps in his veins
    And fear slides through hers.
    One hand reaches desperately out
    Into the open space, as tonight,
    She was raped.

    He can’t stand the pleasure;
    It builds up so fast, she’s just the best.
    He mumbles her name
    While she cries in shame,
    The promises were all a game.
    There’s so much pain.
    When he’s done with what he came for,
    He rolls towards the floor,
    Zips his pants,
    Kisses her forehead and whispers.
    ‘Hey, I really love you.
    Let’s do this again.’
    And as he leaves from the broken glass,
    She sighs and pants.
    ‘Hey… I really hate you.
    Thanks for this.’




    Submitted on 2009-07-01 23:54:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I thought this was very well written. You definitely managed to pass the emotion of the subject on to the words without being too descriptive. Personally I think the best way to handle this subject in writing is to either dance around the subject and let the reader fill in the blanks or to be at the opposite end of the spectrum and let the writing hit the reader full force. Interesting rhyme scheme as well. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2009-07-02 00:00:00 | by Raistlin Sith | [ Reply to This ]
      wow.

    This obviously holds a lot of emotions for you, you slight deter off from your rhyming scheme, though i don't know if that was how you wanted it to flow or not, usually people lose track of the scheme when they write long-ish type poems.

    The emotion is stated beautifully in a simple form, thank god, cause trying to over embellish something like this would actually work against its over all turn out.

    You have made a connection between reader and writer, by making this into an actual poetic type of poem without have a

    "mememeemmememememmememe"

    "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII"

    which also allows people to feel more for the person that is involved than thinking this is another cry out for some help blah blah (yes i know i sound harsh) but it also has that type of distance that allows us to look at this from more than one point of view instead of you force feeding us what you want us to feel


    If i don't make any sense i'm sorry ._.

    so in all i do like this, though it does bring up memories that i use to avoid thinking about, i have to say honey you've done a wonderful job. Your artistic sense seems to come out in many forms, from what i've seen and poetry seems to be another strong point of yours


    again sorry for the senseless ramblings

    with love admiration and best wishes,
    Nikki
    | Posted on 2009-07-02 00:00:00 | by nikita2u | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    176065



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry