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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Miles on my Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Scaredheart
    ASL Info:    15/ Female/ NC
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 92/62/50
    Words: 447
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 65
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2957



    Description:
       Something to someone who happens to have gone a long distance away for the next lil' while.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMiles on my Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    So many miles apart,
    can you still feel the beat of my heart.
    I feel your warm touch,
    despite the freezing cold clutch.

    So many times I've spent,
    my day by the window awaiting your return.
    I hear your voice,
    carried by the wind.

    I see your face,
    only in my mind.
    Can you hear my heart,
    beating for you.

    Tunneling out of my chest,
    singing for you.
    Can you hear my heart,
    Beating for you.

    Can you feel my warmth,
    cradling you.
    Can you hear my voice,
    desperate plea's on the wind.

    So many miles apart,
    it' so hard to find heart.
    I wish I was there,
    beside you tonight.

    Looking out your window,
    watching the moon light.
    Wrapped in your arms,
    for ever safe tonight.

    Can you fell my heart,
    beating for you.
    Can you feel my heart,
    beating for you.

    I reach for you every night,
    only to find my sheets cold again.
    I'm reaching for you,
    my only bit of sunlight.

    I'm watching the sunrise,
    looking for you.
    I'm counting the days,
    waiting for you.

    Can you hear my voice,
    plea's on the wind.
    Can you feel my warmth,
    cradling your soul.

    Can you hear my heart,
    I can hear yours.
    Can you feel my skin,
    I can feel yours on my finger tips.

    My soul is crossing this span of land,
    to be with you again.
    My mind is with you,
    thinking only of you.

    I want to feel your warm breath,
    burning in my ears.
    I want to feel your rough soft hands,
    touching my face.

    I want to tell you all of this,
    in the darkness of night.
    I want to see you,
    without my eyes.


    I want to be so close it hurts,
    I want to be so close.
    I want to feel,
    your heart beating against my skin.

    I want to see,
    your eyes connecting with mine.
    I want to touch,
    that flame we have.

    To be consumed,
    by the passion we have.
    I'm waiting for you,
    thinking of you.

    Wondering over you.
    I never knew,
    land and time apart could cause me pain.
    But my heart is aching for you,
    I'm in pain waiting for you.

    I'm in pain,
    wondering over you.
    My mind consumed,
    by thoughts of you.

    I have to know,
    I need to know.
    What's happening to you,
    do you feel the same way I do.

    Can you feel my heart beating for you,
    Can you feel my heart beating for you.
    Can you feel it,
    Because I do.




    Submitted on 2009-07-02 14:39:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think maybe this would be more powerfull if you shortened it. I tried reading it with an open mind but the legnth makes this feel too repititious. I think it could be improved by checking to see where you repeat yourself and seeing if it's really rellevent. I thought it was actually a decent job of tackling your concept, sat down to write about something and just got to the point, that was good. Now a little editing would help the your words ressonate more.

    -Craig
    | Posted on 2009-07-02 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]


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    12. Does it feel original?



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