[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: In Lghtneningdots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 308
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 628
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1792


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots In Lghtneningdots

    traquiltized between these walls
    staring out the windows in each
    on one side

    the horizon
    and my tiptoe hands dancing across casting shadows, that independantly walk and sit where they want to
    (and myself, watching and FEELING so much envy over this hill and that one)

    Someone painted a lawn chair here, two actually and I sit in one and I watch this place and I see things going on and on and on

    there is a rocking horse,
    what does that mean?
    Only that I want I want I want

    A kite flying over the roof of a house where I grew up in
    getting tangled in an overgrown tree
    (It has been cut down, to signify the change of circumstance through time.)

    I do not know what I see but I SEE
    do you get it?

    I was a cashier today among other things, (and maybe this is more personal than I would like
    the metaphors may get lost in the character
    but I hope these things, occuring naturally would stand on their own
    and for you that would critisize this
    be patient)
    and I saw a windchime that declared,
    "I am the kite from your dream, exactly down to the detail, the sigul of a butterly in the middle of a diamond, the shade of pink or red or crimson king, or would that be cadmium king?"
    It was struck by lightening in the dream
    and makes sense here now in a way that can't be real

    "I do not believe in magic." says Sir
    And I believe that.

    I believe that too.
    That it tapers off, this little insight into myself.
    And I am fully awake.
    And a little pissed.
    I do not have time to think about it.

    Submitted on 2009-07-02 17:52:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I read your structuralism poem and as I found it interesting, I decided to read In Lightening. I like your approach to the "What's it all about" look at life. I've got no suggestions on your work. It is excellent. Your imagery puts me where you paint the picture with words. it was a pleasurable trip.
    | Posted on 2009-07-22 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]