[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: In Lghtneningdots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 308
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 659
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1792


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots In Lghtneningdots

    traquiltized between these walls
    staring out the windows in each
    on one side

    the horizon
    and my tiptoe hands dancing across casting shadows, that independantly walk and sit where they want to
    (and myself, watching and FEELING so much envy over this hill and that one)

    Someone painted a lawn chair here, two actually and I sit in one and I watch this place and I see things going on and on and on

    there is a rocking horse,
    what does that mean?
    Only that I want I want I want

    A kite flying over the roof of a house where I grew up in
    getting tangled in an overgrown tree
    (It has been cut down, to signify the change of circumstance through time.)

    I do not know what I see but I SEE
    do you get it?

    I was a cashier today among other things, (and maybe this is more personal than I would like
    the metaphors may get lost in the character
    but I hope these things, occuring naturally would stand on their own
    and for you that would critisize this
    be patient)
    and I saw a windchime that declared,
    "I am the kite from your dream, exactly down to the detail, the sigul of a butterly in the middle of a diamond, the shade of pink or red or crimson king, or would that be cadmium king?"
    It was struck by lightening in the dream
    and makes sense here now in a way that can't be real

    "I do not believe in magic." says Sir
    And I believe that.

    I believe that too.
    That it tapers off, this little insight into myself.
    And I am fully awake.
    And a little pissed.
    I do not have time to think about it.

    Submitted on 2009-07-02 17:52:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I read your structuralism poem and as I found it interesting, I decided to read In Lightening. I like your approach to the "What's it all about" look at life. I've got no suggestions on your work. It is excellent. Your imagery puts me where you paint the picture with words. it was a pleasurable trip.
    | Posted on 2009-07-22 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Incubus written by monad
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    To written by SavedDragon
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To Glow written by krs3332003




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]