It's Really Hard by Kaygrl

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: It's Really Hard dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	Kaygrl
ASL Info:	19/female/Washington
Elite Ratio:	2.31 - 153/196/213
Words:	153

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	67
Average Vote:	3.0000
Bytes:	837

Description:

It's Really Hard dots

-------------------------------------------

It’s really hard when you built my sights with clarity,
Then smashed my heart with strength that crossed humanity.
I could see so much,
But now my vision’s blurred.
I’m stirred and hurt and down on my knees,
Begging oh please,
There has to be a way for you to love me again.

It’s really hard when I’ve deluded myself,
To thinking there might still be a chance,
When you made it clear that you don’t want me,
But there might still be a chance?
There might still be a chance…

If it’s meant to be you’ll come back to me,
You’ll make me trust and love you more.
But it’s really hard right now because I have to go it alone.
When before it was with you.
Baby, it’s just really hard.

Submitted on 2009-07-02 18:28:08 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Hmmm... this piece, although easily highlighting my life, seems almonst foreign to me.

Where is the emotion? Im looking for more painful dredging metaphors, not enough to make you sound complainy and moronic, but just enough to show your innermost feelings.

You seem to remind me of myself in a strange blurred way through this poem, although we are oddly and obviously different, aside from writing 300 million poems.

Ha, i hope that doesnt offend you at all, it seems to have come out rather cold.
With nothing but love,
Channie
| Posted on 2009-10-28 00:00:00 | by dthforeverpain8 | [ Reply to This ]
  It seemed forced to me, with lack of emotion and like you tired to hard to rhyme with little success. But i do see real talent there, you just need to work on it and im sure you will be a great writer
| Posted on 2009-07-06 00:00:00 | by IleriahMarie | [ Reply to This ]
  I think you could have done much more with it and put more emotion into it if you didn't do the rhyming sceme. The emotion was sadness, and I could somewhat feel it. If you had made it more detailed it could be much better.
The sixth line in your poem I didn't exactly like. It just didn't flow. But I did really like the repitition of lines 4-5 in the second stanza
and in the 3rd line of the third stanza I don't think you need right now. The reader knows your talking about the present. Also you meant do instead of go right?
I think it would be better if you used more symbolism. What I see in the poem someone has their heart broken and wants their partner to come back to them, but they won't.
It didn't really feel origional to me. I've seen so many poems similar to this one. The poem definitely has potential, but it needs revision.
| Posted on 2009-07-03 00:00:00 | by ArwenDune | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

176095

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]