Among The Water Serpents
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Description:
A villanelle written a few months ago.
Among The Water Serpents
I am terrified by the woman I see. She is a witch, quick with tricks and wise; This woman is everything I’ll never be. She is one woman, but she may as well be three. She owns herself, the men, and all goodbyes. I am terrified by the woman I see. She is a serpent, hailing from the wicked sea, Wearing red hair and ashen peel for disguise. This woman is everything I’ll never be. She is a plague, and won’t comply with any plea She will poison you and approve of your cries— I am terrified by the woman I see. She belongs to herself, and she is free; You can see the vile liberty burning in her eyes. This woman is everything I’ll never be. But when I look at her, and I look at me, There is alarm in her gaze, in our guise— I am terrified by the woman I see. This woman is everything I’ll never be. |
Submitted on 2009-07-04 16:44:40 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments
| This reads nicely, it has a lovely rhythm. The imagery is intense, and it's very compelling. I love the line 'wearing red hair and ashen peel for disguise', there's something deathly, scary, about that image. I think, though, that in the fourth verse the middle line is just a little too long, it kind of makes you skip the next beat. Maybe something like 'she will poison you and laud your cries' would sound a little better and get the reader into the next line a little more smoothly? Just a thought. On the whole I thought this was amazing, I love villanelles. The final verse, with the merging of you and this woman, is a wonderful finish, it's startling. Great job. | Posted on 2009-07-05 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ] | "This woman is everything I’ll never be" | Do you really think that is true? Or are you tryinh to convince yourself it is that way? | Posted on 2009-07-04 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ] | |
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