Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Scars to Starsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Adriath
    ASL Info:    17/Male/Texas
    Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 3/5/11
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 571
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 528



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsScars to Starsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    When scars start to fade
    And stars begin to shine
    A full-life upgrade
    When I made you mine.

    Pain turns to bliss
    Order takes a turn
    All it takes is a kiss
    And I feel my heart burn.

    Butterflies flitter about
    My body glistens with sweat
    I've always wanted to shout
    Since the day our lips met.

    And when you puff out your lip
    Try to fake a bad mood
    All it takes is a nip
    Then you glow like the moon.




    Submitted on 2009-07-05 01:20:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think this is pretty good. :) You have a nice flow and you managed to get across a nice point of 'I love her' with a short and sweet poem. It's good that you keep the rhyme scheme and keep your wording well with the subject matter. The first couple lines threw me off just a little... but it wasn't really too big of a sore. I vote a job well done.

    ~SIlver~
    | Posted on 2009-07-05 00:00:00 | by silverpen | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    176160

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Every..... written by jackz
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Giving written by jjd
    Bond written by saartha
    Once Again written by krs3332003

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry