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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Breathe dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: silverpen
    ASL Info:    16/F/Right Behind You
    Elite Ratio:    3.47 - 16/34/31
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 57
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 732



    Description:
       It's um.. air. xD


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBreathe dots
    -------------------------------------------


    It flutters down across the grass,
    Carefree, living, yet having never been alive.
    It sustains all animal life, all plant, all fungi,
    And somehow itself will never die.
    It can be everywhere here, yet nowhere there,
    Embracing every body, blocking every stare,
    It dances with grace in the treetops,
    It shifts between the dirt and rocks.
    Did you know that you need it? Most have forgot.
    It can create or break an entire light of life.
    It gives us the sun, the moon, the ability to see.
    The ocean, the sand, whatever your life needs.
    Breathe, exhale, blush and turn pale.
    Air sustains all motion as the small, and great, hero.





    Submitted on 2009-07-10 16:15:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Yes i definitely think this is some of your finer writing, great expression here and excellent images portrayed. I like the way you describe air and bring it to life as it is something we take for granted and often overlook. The way you make it come alive is just awesome. A wonderful read, i really enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing this.

    ;-)

    -Svw
    | Posted on 2009-10-04 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      'Air sustains all motion as the small, and great, hero'
    How true, and it's something I've not thought about in a long while. Probably not since biology when I was about 13, or something.

    I really like your opening to this- air fluttering, that's a pretty image.

    I think line 2 would read a little better if it went:

    'Carefree, living, yet it's never been alive'.
    or
    'Carefree, living, having never been alive'.

    'Most have forgot'- how true.

    I think air makes us hot and cold, too (but that's just a side thought).

    I liked the line:
    'breathe, exhale, blush and turn pale'
    best of all, there's something so simple and poignant about it.

    Thanks for an interesting read.

    Aly
    | Posted on 2009-07-10 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]


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