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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: oh, no.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rosecanfly
    ASL Info:    16/F/VA
    Elite Ratio:    2.12 - 6/16/16
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 746
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 887



    Description:
       rose tried to write poetry.
    ):


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsoh, no.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    i scrawl down, for the day
    that i am beautiful
    that i am small
    that i am sunshine and pretty blue dresses and raven birds outside my bedroom window.
    i scrawl down
    that today is a good day.

    hello, i tell my journal.
    today i am ugly.
    i am huge
    i am slashes on my wrists and running mascara and monday mornings.
    i scrawl down
    that today, today is the /worst/ day.

    my hand slips,
    the letters have become tangled and angry.
    can you read them?
    i've written them all over my face.
    tangled and angry.

    my journal is pretty.
    it is wide and blue. inconspicuous.
    i stick a post it note to it:
    'do not read!'
    and no one ever does.

    i scrawl down, for the day
    that i wish
    someone would.




    Submitted on 2009-07-12 21:39:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      *hugs*

    Rose succeeded.
    | Posted on 2009-12-28 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww! You sure are silly hon. This was really, in my opinion, well written! I am super tired at the moment though, so my comment shall be short and simple.
    I loved your words, excluding the word 'scrawl' i didn't particularly care for. It didn't seem to fit in my head, but meh, if its to your taste, then what can i say! Anyway. That was the only thing i found to be negative in this poem (well grammar and such, not the content). I doubt I am making much of any sense anymore, so I shall just bid you adieu and tell you to keep up the great work! Peace and inspiration!

    Duv
    | Posted on 2009-07-13 00:00:00 | by Draumrkopa | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the concept of brief stanzas representing journal entries. It really conveys the change in the protagonists emotion well.

    YOu do a good job of moving from feeling hopefull to feeling hopeless seemlessly. Guess thats a dash of chaos, a shot of wreckless abandon and a little girl power thrown in for good measure.

    I don't know...ive been around for a while, read alot of work and enjoyed alot of poetry. I think you have talent. Supurb for a 16 yo girl. Keep it up man dont stop.


    Fizz
    | Posted on 2009-07-13 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]


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