Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fraudulent Lightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Vermalin
    Elite Ratio:    4.25 - 15/29/21
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Misc/
    Total Views: 659
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 662



    Description:
       I was sleep deprived when I wrote this.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFraudulent Lightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A brilliant light peeks through the dark shrouds of clouds,
    Pulling away as my fingertips eagerly reach for it.
    Teasing me.
    Messing with my mind.
    The light shines brighter once I retreat back to the clouds,
    Playing tricks as if it wants to comfort me,
    Pulling back once my hands try to grasp it again.
    The dazzling light brushes my cheek,
    Promising a better tomorrow.
    But when I fall for it's scheme,
    It cackles in my face and disappears.
    The light is just a lie,
    Breaking my soul and yanking on my heartstrings.
    This fraudulent light,
    Why do I love you so?




    Submitted on 2009-07-13 14:18:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow.
    That makes you sit your ass down on the ground, light you a cig and think.
    Deep Vermy deep.


    I hope this isn't based off of somthing that really happened to you! Oy! If a damn boy hurt you Ima kill him >.< Chop his liver up and eat it for breakfast! <---maybe give it to my doggie..livers not my thing..>.>



    But, as far as this piece goes, I really enjoyed it.
    Its a piece that really makes you strain, and actually stop and give a [censored].
    Its real, like joo x3


    (i But when I fall for it's scheme,)
    (i It cackles in my face and disappears.)
    (i The light is just a lie,)


    I really like those three lines.
    Its telling the whole story right their.
    About how peopla fall into stupid tricks, blinded by love. Or atleast thats what I got out of it xD


    Anyways Great Job ^_^
    | Posted on 2009-10-16 00:00:00 | by TasteMyRainbow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    176459

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry